This past year and a half has been one of immense personal growth, intellectual development, and social exploration, and going into my sophomore year of college I have to think about what my relationships were like a year ago to appreciate the ones I have today.
I was a 17-year-old college freshman last September, commuting to school from 20 minutes away and trying my damnedest to not let the entire concept of college be lost on me because I live off-campus. I've always been a social butterfly, so meeting people was easy. Losing touch was easier. And the real challenge was simply picking out the good seeds. But those seeds did me a solid, and they grew into friendships that I can't imagine not having today.
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However, I also learned how to make the harder move and eliminate the toxic relationships and I learned a lesson that I cannot possibly stress enough for college freshmen: do not, under any circumstances, put all your efforts into the first new friendship you make. Don't let your first new relationship in college, platonic or otherwise, be life-changing or significantly alter your standards or values. If it's a healthy friendship, if it's meant to be long-lasting--it will be so of its own accord. I saw so many classmates and acquaintances go through their first semester hopelessly in love with a new friend, flooding their social media full of pictures with this person, only to end up lost as to where else to go for socialization the second that relationship diminished or ended.
It's not realistic to expect perfection at the first try, but we implement these clingy social practices anyway because we're often so afraid and intimidated to branch out socially. And we're even more afraid to lose the weak connections we made in the first place, because the idea of being an individual in a sea of people is utterly horrifying. This phenomena is completely natural, and very common; however, it doesn't generally breed the healthiest relationships, and it's important to remember that in most aspects of life patience is rewarded.
So wait it out a little, freshmen. Get to know your roommate and people who will be staples in your life for the foreseeable future, but also say hi to randoms, smile at people in the elevator, make the small talk you usually wouldn't. Don't be afraid to apply the checks and balances to your relationships in life. Be more liberal than you're used to in beginning new relationships, add to your social circles frequently; and on the flip side, also seriously consider when a relationship detracts from your social wellbeing, and understand that you have a right and a responsibility to yourself to end toxic relationships.
The trial-and-error process is really important to your social life as well as your internal perception of self as well as others. You learn a lot about the new people you meet, but they also teach you a lot about yourself, in how you react to them, how you relate to them, and how you adapt to the differences between you and them. Finding my "people" as a freshman really both reshaped and solidified my sense of self because I realized that I could eventually successfully identify "fake friends" as opposed to the people who were honest, helpful, and caring additions to my life.
I've always prided myself on being a quality friend. As an only child, my friends growing up were really important to me and those relationships were practically on the same level as family. However, moving around also taught me how to make new friends which would also breed lasting relationships from scratch, so starting fresh became comfortable to me and I never felt intimidated to begin a conversation and put myself out there. It's part of my trademark; as a person, I am outgoing and as a friend, I am dedicated. The tricky part is always just finding people who share and reciprocate your basic rules of friendship.
I've made friends with people whom I genuinely liked and had a good connection with on the surface, but if I found them repeatedly unreliable or they didn't appreciate common decency enough to return it, I knew that those were acquaintanceships that would not likely last beyond the semester. I still keep in touch with some of these people, but the lasting frienships come when you stick by your values so when you find your "people" you won't know how you ever got on without them.
