The truest measure of a person is not in how they succeed, but in how they handle their failure.
I remember the first time I heard this quote I scoffed in uncertainty. A fear of mediocrity and an inner compulsion to out-perform others consistently pushed me to grow in all aspects of life. Failure to me was a shortcoming. A loss. Something that can and should be avoided through hard work and dedication. Little by little, the universe has set me straight, slamming my head against the ground in shame time and time again.
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I always viewed failure as a weakness and utter embarrassment.
We all have shortcomings. Be it a moment of weakness, a consistent character flaw we can’t seem to address or an accidental failure. Addressing these shortcomings is painful and humbling but necessary. Taking down my ego and admitting imperfection is irrationally difficult for me.
Recently I made a mistake that hurt someone with whom I shared a mutual trust and respect. Looking back at my behavior in the moment, I am ashamed at my lack of basic judgment. Immediately afterwards, all I could focus on was how badly I messed up. I was so focused on the moment of failure that I was blinded to moving forward from it. I realized that this is the phase so many people stay in when they fail—you see only how wrong you were, maybe try to sweep it under the rug, but mentally let it control you for days, weeks, months after it’s dead. Many continue to let their past failures control their lives. They don’t try new things or go outside of their comfort zone out of fear of repeating the shame of past failure.
Heck, if you're failing, you're at least out there doing something and trying, which is more than so many people can say. After an unhealthy relationship shatters your life, you never want to risk love again. After you got rejected from that internship, you set lower goals. Fear and failure are insidious friends that tend to come hand in hand.
So many times this past year, I believed I was on exactly the right track in life, only to have a catastrophic, usually nonconsensual change in path. The world has tossed me off a hammock, transplanted me across the country, then across the Pacific Ocean. It has taken friends from me, pushed me to the brink of sanity, traded my impulsiveness for precaution, and given me some of the top embarrassing moments of anyone I have ever met. And it’s all part of the design.
You see, I realized I have no choice but to look at life’s shortcomings as learning opportunities. After making the same mistakes time and time again, I have no choice but to realize that failure is necessary aspect of growth. If I didn't admit to mistakes, how was I supposed to learn and get better? Through embracing failure and integrating it into my development, I am freed from letting shame control me. I am now free to create my own evolution, free to be independent of fear. Failure, in it’s own strange way, has liberated me.
