I have always been nearly very certain, throughout my entire life, that I don't want to have kids. As spoken by 20-year-old woman, this usually merits the response of, "Maybe not now, but you'll change your mind later! Trust me. It's just going to happen."
God forbid I mention even entertaining the idea of a tubal litigation later on in my life when I'm more certain of things. People will act like you've personally insulted them and every other parent on the planet.
That's not my intention; I just want to be in control of my body. I want to be treated like an adult who is fully capable of making these decisions for myself. If I wanted to, I could smoke cigarettes and give myself lung cancer; I could go to war and suffer devastating mental and physical consequences. I could get pregnant and have children I don't want. Hardly anyone would bat an eye at those life decisions.
So, from the perspective of all young women who realize they do not now, or ever, want children....
STOP telling me we are selfish and incomplete people for never wanting kids.
STOP telling us you hope our birth control methods fail and that "accidents happen." That's a creepy, unwarranted, and downright horrible thing to wish upon somebody.
STOP warning us that we won't find true love, understand the meaning of unconditional love, or ever have a meaningful relationship.
"What if you find your dream husband, and HE wants kids?"
He won't be so dreamy if we disagree on something as major as wanting kids.
It's hard for childless women to get a tubal litigation. Many doctors will refuse, on the notion that a women doesn't know what she wants and might change her mind later.
"You're too young."
"It's a permanent choice."
"How could you really know what you want yet?"
Literally all of those apply to having children, but nobody can really stop people from having kids, which is an even more permanent choice than sterilization. I can always adopt later on in life, if I so choose.
I want to work, volunteer, perform music...unconditionally. People with little mini-me's can do all these things, but I don't ever want to chose between my life and my nonexistent hypothetical children's lives.
I'm a full human being, and I don't need to procreate to be complete. I don't want to be motherly. "It'll be different when it's your own?" Why should I take that chance?
There are a lot of reasons people feel they should not biologically have children. Physical or mental health problems (that you may not even know a person has) might worsen with childbirth. Postpartum depression is a very real example of this. Additionally, people may be carriers of genetic diseases, or have a long line of mental illness in their blood (again, both of which you probably don't know about), and maybe they just don't want to risk passing on those genes to another generation.
I do applaud those young women (and men) who can tirelessly devote themselves to giving their children the best life they can have.
I don't mean any disrespect to young people who have kids or want them. I have friends who had little tots when they were young, and I don't judge them one bit. It's their lives. If people want to have kids when they are 20 years old, or if a young woman wants to be a homemaker and care for her family, that's her decision, and as long as she isn't hurting anybody or herself, nobody should lecture her on how to live her life. Whether the child was planned or not, whether the parents marry or stay together---it's not my business, and I don't really care to judge people for making different choices in life than me. If my parent-friends want to say, "My kid is my world, and I'm proud of that," and excitedly show off pictures of their newborn and talk to me about their kiddos, I will support them. Do what you feel is right and what makes you content in life---that's your choice and I'll respect that.
Now everybody else, please do the same for me.
