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20 Of The Best Christian Pick-up Lines

So, my parents are home. Wanna come over?

Lauren Stancle

Apr 11, 2016

Olivet Nazarene University

864

E Cards

In the Christian circle, maybe you've heard one of these atrocities used as an attempt to pick-up a future spouse -- and if you have, I'm sorry.

1. I heard you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ… mind if I'm third wheel?

2. 3. So, my parents are home. Wanna come over?

4. If I march around you seven times, will you fall for me?

5. 6. I’m not Boaz and you’re not Ruth, but you can glean my fields anytime.

7. 8. Are you a Pharisee? ‘Cause you’re the fairest one I see.

9. 10. Do you need prayer? Because I can totally lay hands on you…

11. Your love language isn’t too important to me… because I’m going to love you in every language.

12. 13. Can I buy you a non-alcoholic beverage?

14. On a scale from one to 10 you’re a nine and I’m the one God sent to complete you.

15. 16. I’d give you my heart, but I already gave it to Jesus. You can have my number though.

17. 18. You’re so unblemished I could sacrifice you.

19. Wow! I could really see myself being comfortable reading Song of Solomon with you!

20. Look, you’re nearly 22. Most Christians are three years into marriage by now… just settle for me.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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20 Of The Best Christian Pick-up Lines

So, my parents are home. Wanna come over?

1. I heard you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ… mind if I'm third wheel?

2.

3. So, my parents are home. Wanna come over?

4. If I march around you seven times, will you fall for me?

5.

6. I’m not Boaz and you’re not Ruth, but you can glean my fields anytime.

7.

8. Are you a Pharisee? ‘Cause you’re the fairest one I see.

9.

10. Do you need prayer? Because I can totally lay hands on you…

11. Your love language isn’t too important to me… because I’m going to love you in every language.

12.

13. Can I buy you a non-alcoholic beverage?

14. On a scale from one to 10 you’re a nine and I’m the one God sent to complete you.

15.

16. I’d give you my heart, but I already gave it to Jesus. You can have my number though.

17.

18. You’re so unblemished I could sacrifice you.

19. Wow! I could really see myself being comfortable reading Song of Solomon with you!

20. Look, you’re nearly 22. Most Christians are three years into marriage by now… just settle for me.

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#Adulting is hard.

1. Taking care of yourself when you're sick

2. Making a to-do list

3. Planning your activities around the weather

4. Scheduling your own doctor’s appointments

5. Getting your own toilet paper

6. Making food without needing to ask your mom questions

7. Holding your tongue

8. Saving your paycheck (or your tax refund) to pay your bills

9. Balancing your checkbook

10. Going places alone

11. Packing your own lunches

12. Actually eating your vegetables...on purpose

13. Taking a multivitamin

14. Planning a life after graduation

Sometimes bigger isn't always better.

1. If something happens, everyone knows about it

2. Never getting to be invisible

3. Knowing every single thing about every single person in the town

4. New kids are a big deal

5. It’s hard to make new friends

6. On that note ... the dating pool is even smaller!

7. Teachers are weirdly close to their students

8. It forced you to make friends out of school

"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love"

1. That Time He Tested Out His Flirting Skills and This Happened

2. When He Was Willing to Do Anything to Avoid Confrontation

3. When He Couldn't Handle Awkward, Emotional Situations

4. How He Reacted Whenever His Friends Ignored Him

5. All of the Times He Worried About His Failing Love Life

6. Whenever He Tried to Whip Himself Into Shape

7. How He Handled New People and New Experiences

8. Whenever His Friends Got Annoying, He Was Always the Voice of Reason

9. He Always Knew How to Jam

10. He Finds a Way to Make Any Situation More Fun

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

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