It's okay not to know.
Wait. What? Anxiety kicks in full gear as your mind begins to race and your thoughts start to argue: "Are you crazy?! No, I need to know! I can't go on just not knowing what's next or what is going to happen! This isn't okay! This has to make sense! I have to figure this all out!" Believe me when I say that is exactly how my mind works. I’m a perfectionist, high achiever, goal-setter, and I deal with generalized anxiety. I will claim to be a hopeful optimist that embraces change and surprises, but amidst those moments of utter uncertainty I panic.
“This isn’t how I pictured this.”
“This doesn’t look like it’s going to go well..”
Or the famous response of: “But I got this if you just give me full control!”
What if that isn’t exactly how it’s supposed to be. Stay with me for a minute. What if the whole point of all these trials and times of terrifying unknowns, are the very pieces of an orchestrated plan that is not supposed to be comprehendible or even predictable? Maybe it's not about knowing and understanding it all but rather it is about learning to embrace the unknown; to truly be okay with the inability to know.
The truth of the matter is, we don't always have the power to change any situation by worry, stress, planning solutions, or just thinking things to death. I've heard it said that today has enough worry of its own rather than to go on worrying about things of tomorrow. I would have to say there is such wisdom in those words. There is a great strength and vulnerability in surrendering one's will into walking blindly unaware of certainty, far past the safe confines of what makes sense. The very act and thought of surrender goes against our very human nature. It's uncomfortable. It's sometimes painful. It's undeniably hard. We so desire to have complete control of every detail of our life and when something starts to go outside of that ideal picture we've painted so perfectly in our mind's eye restless, anxious thoughts begin to bubble and spill over. Anxiety knocks on your door, and away you go with figuring and sorting through the mess of thoughts sorting through what you think you know.
However, I have found it to be true that greatness was never confined within the walls constructed by fear and doubt formulated in one's mind. Greatness cannot be found within the walls of comfort zones. I suppose greatness is rather found when one recognizes the ever present limits and daunting hurdles and bravely leaps with faith beyond the familiar confines of comfort zones and all the predictable "I know"s. I suppose greatness is simply taking a deep breath and telling your mind to just let go. Beauty isn't always found in knowing, sometimes beauty is found in not knowing and being okay in the deafening silence. Sometimes beauty is being at peace and accepting this simple yet challenging truth: it's ok to not know.
