I grew up closely watching my brother strive to become a professional soccer player.

The highs, the lows, the games in parts of the state I didn't even know existed, the tryouts--I've been through it all.

As proud as I am that he has persevered for this long, and continues to work for his dream, it has made passion projects a considerable theme in our family.

My mom turns to art, my dad gets way too easily invested in topics one might not come across in a lifetime, my brother lives for goalkeeping, and I… don't really know what I'm doing.

Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than when people ask me what my "thing" is, because I have no answer to that, and it's generally not the time for me to go on a rant about the way I live my life. Don't get me wrong, I have interests. I could go on and on about The Weeknd, or last week's episode of Shameless, but those things definitely don't give me a purpose. I've always been someone who knows what she wants, but that goes hand in hand with knowing what I don't want. Playing an instrument ? Never even made it to the "maybe" pile. Books ? Haven't finished one since middle school.

The things that I am open to, I've dabbled in, but I very quickly realized that I lean towards things that just look cool, not that I actually like. I am not someone who can put a significant amount of time and effort into something that virtually means nothing to me. If I'm so fully investing myself in something that it takes up all my time and I still find myself wondering what my friends have been up to without me, there's no way that it's "meant to be".

Being this systematic has helped me in the sense that communicating with myself is easy, but it has definitely made it harder for myself to accept a challenge.

A perfect example would be a class I took last quarter. The subject sounded cool, and knowing more about the topic would give me an ~edge. After the first lecture, I realized that I've never enjoyed studying history, and that I couldn't relate to any of the subject measure because I was not raised in an American household. What was meant to be an eye opener quickly turned into a burden, something that would instantly have me start my days off on the wrong foot. It didn't take me that long to realize that it was taking more out of me than I was getting out of it, and I dropped the class 9 weeks in (you can't say I didn't give it a fair shot).

Am I'm making my life too easy ? Am I insanely close minded ? Whatever it is, I'm not exactly mad about it.

I may not be completely drawn to or inexplicably moved by one thing, but that doesn't mean im living a bland life. I have fun. The little things like going out on Thursdays or formal dinner at my sorority make me happy. I know that they're not my life calling; I have direction, but im not avidly working towards something until I bleed, sweat, and cry for it. The goal is work hard Sunday through Wednesday, play hard Thursday through Saturday, not work hard all my life and play hard when I'm retired.

I might not wake up in the morning thinking I'm getting a day closer to realizing my lifelong dream, but that gives me that much more reason not to be disappointed in myself. I'm sure aspiring professional athletes or performers or doctors never rid themselves of the possibility of failure, and I think that that constant fear would tear me down rather than give me adrenaline.

Because I'm not tied to anything, I have so many more opportunities to discover new things. Like I said, I do have some clear red flags, but there's nothing I love more than a good impulsive decision. Living without constantly putting pressure on myself allows me to do what I need to do efficiently without always feeling like I have to take another giant leap towards a goal to feel satisfied.

I like to take it day by day; I could create a 5 year plan and fail to follow it by week 2.

As long as I have a general idea of what I want to work towards, I'm happy to take it as it comes. I know that I won't wake up one day and decide that I will be the greatest opera singer of the century, but I could very well want to write for Buzzfeed one day, and direct a marketing campaign the next. It's about keeping my options open.