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Oh My Gosh, I'm 20!

Why do I feel old?

Oct 19, 2015

For many of you that don't know me that well, I'm a 20-year-old junior in college, a mother to a black lab puppy, a girlfriend, a best friend, sister, daughter, and coworker, yet with everything I am, I feel so old at the same time.

Three years ago, I graduated high school—fresh out of school ready to move out of my parents' house and take on the world. I was the best thing ever. Nothing and no one could touch me. I was ready to grow up. I was ready to finally be able to be that "adult." I was ready to start my life and get it going.

When I turned 20, I sat in my best friend's car crying, thinking I'm so old and that I couldn't imagine that we made it this far. I feel like once you hit the 20s, you are expected to grow up. Have your life figured out, be with a person you could see your future with, have your graduation plan figured out, might be working a better than a minimum wage job, and pay your way through life with no parents' help anymore.

Now, I look at that and think I was so silly. At 18, I was ready to be old and ready to do all the things adults do. Now, I would take that back in a heartbeat. I feel so old, yet I'm only 20. I can't tell you how many times I get on my social media and see my friends all getting engaged and having kids. I think to myself, I'm so old, yet I'm only 20. Three short years ago, we were babies, just starting our lives. I feel like we are so young to start our lives so seriously. I catch myself doing more adult things, looking at towns to settle down in where I should own my first house, taking my dog to day care, and trying to cook food for my boyfriend. I'm doing all things grownups do.

I feel like once you hit a certain age, the greatness of the "untouchable" phase goes away, and you start to realize you are getting older. You start to go to weddings, bridal showers, and baby showers. It just shows that time never slows down no matter how hard we want to freeze the moment. It keeps going and goes faster and faster and we get a year older each year.

So yeah, I'm 20. It may not seem old to many people but to me I feel like I'm 50. Sometimes I think of how nice it would be for one day to go back to the simple age, the age of dressing up dolls, playing house and mom, and worrying about the boy that I liked at recess.

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