Throughout my college career, I have become aware of the commonality and occurrence of sloths and the affinity people seem to have for them. My friends constantly talk about sloths and how cool they are, and there are several social media pages about sloths (that I have discovered) and probably many more that I have yet to find (I can't wait).
But one thing that my friends and I have stood by throughout this sloth phenomenon is the phrase "sloths over boys," which we adopted as a way of expressing our angst over what a guy had done (or not done) regarding one of us females. But are sloths really over boys? I delved into deep research analysis to determine if this was true. What I found was that sloths are not over boys; they are the same. Here are some facts to back up my argument.
1. Sloths take a while to digest their food, which translates into minimal energy and makes it one of the slowest moving animals in the world.
Duh. Isn't this every boy ever? I feel like they are always saying "I would, but I don't want to move" or making up some excuse to remain sedentary and eat chips (or drink Monster or something gross like that). And then they give you this look.
2. The slow movement and unique fur of the sloth makes it a great habitat for other creatures such as moths, beetles, cockroaches, fungi, and algae; in fact, this green-colored algae provides a camouflage so sloths can avoid predators.
Yeah, if a guy leaves his hair unattended, chances are this will happen. Watch out for the bug home in your man's hair. It's probably there somewhere. Even if he's drawing hearts in that sand, you better double check.
3. Sloths can extend their tongues 10 to 12 inches out of their mouths.
Yeah, I wish this weren't true, but some guys need to know not to do this. Enough said.
4. It used to be thought that sloths slept for 15 to 20 hours a day. However, its now believed they only sleep around 10 hours a day.
Ten hours sounds about right for about all the guys I know. Then they look like this. Unless they're trying to convince themselves that they need less sleep and fewer cups of coffee. But really, wouldn't we all like to sleep that much? But college. And work and school and food.
5. Sloths are nocturnal animals.
True. Who said those ten hours were at night? More like 4 AM until 2 PM the next day, missing classes and the friends but getting sleep at the weirdest hours imaginable. Still, at least they're sleeping, right?
All that said, we still love sloths. And we love our male counterparts as well. They're cute and always are up for a laugh. Where would we be without sloths (or boys)?
