My mother is a wonderful woman. She went into the Air Force directly after high school in a male-dominated field. She was an instrumentation technician and tested nuclear weapons on Barksdale Air Force Base. She served her country for 10 years. Afterward, she raised two children while my father was in a perpetual state of deployment. She did so while working a full-time job. She is stronger than she’ll ever give herself credit for. When thinking of female role models, she sits atop my personal hierarchy of women I aspire to resemble. But this isn’t an ode to my mother.
As strong and nurturing as she is, there are many other women in my life who taught me what it was to be a well-rounded human being. I would like to shine the spotlight on these unsung heroes because I don’t think I’ve ever thanked them enough for caring for me and teaching me life lessons I could have never learned at home. These women are my second mothers, to whom I am grateful. I would not be who I am without their help and guidance throughout my childhood and young adulthood. I have had numerous mothers in my life, all who have taken different shapes and forms. There is nothing like having a surrogate mother when your own mom is either too close (because you are 13 and want some independence), or not close enough.
With my dad being in the military, he was away often. My mother was also working, and had difficulty in raising two tumultuous children on her own. I found myself at my best friend’s house almost daily. My sleeping bag made its permanent residence next to her bed, and her mother quasi-adopted me. When I was feeling alone or out of place at my own house, my best friend’s mother made it clear that I was always welcome. She included me in the wholesome family traditions that taught me what family meant. We made caramel covered apples, we went trick-or-treating together, I went with them to pick out a Christmas tree, and her mother bought me Christmas presents. Being in the military, my mother was hours from her family, and my father’s family resided over the pond (Braintree, England) and across the country (Idaho). Anything we did as a family ended up disjointed and awkward because they were brought up in two completely different manners. Don’t get me wrong, my parents were great, but they were stuck with me. They made me and they had to deal with me. My best friend’s mother accepted me and chose for me to be around. That choice made it all the more special.
Over the years, I had a few other second mothers. One was a close friend of my mother’s who lived in the same court as us. She helped my mother out when she was busy working or needed a much-deserved break. She was wonderful in the fact that she was truly a second mother. She was not just someone who included me in fun family activities, but she was also not afraid to discipline me with a scolding or some tough life lessons. She was stern in ways my mother was not but loved me just the same. I was not the most well-behaved kid, but she helped me see the error in my ways and made me want to be better. Not just for her, but my mother as well. She is still like a second mother to me, calling me out when necessary. I appreciate the wisdom she has to instill.
You may have these women in your life, mothers without the tie of blood or the obligation of dealing with you, but they’re necessary. They’re all so necessary in your upbringing. Maybe you haven’t spoken to them in a while or they were only with you for a short time, but they were there for you when others were not. They’ve made you laugh, they’ve given you support, and most of all, they loved you. And I’m here to say, second mothers, we love you, too. Thank you so much for your compassion, your strength, and for being instrumental to our success. You don’t get thanked enough, but from every surrogate daughter and son out there, we thank you!
