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An Ode to New Year's Resolutions

It's that time of year.

Sarina Gersten

Dec 27, 2018

University of Connecticut

c1.staticflickr.com

1) NEW YEAR!! NEW ME!!

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Wooooo!!! The motivation of the new year is in full swing. It is, obviously, the perfect time to COMPLETELY TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE.

2. I have kept my resolution going for a full day!

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I am amazing. Nothing can stop me. I am on freaking fire! I have kept up my resolution to eat healthy for a full 24 hours.

3. It has been a week!

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Oh yeah! I have been knitting every day for a week. Everyone who gives up on their resolutions are weak. I am strong. I have the mind of a champion. I will obviously conquer my goals.

4. I can have a cheat day.

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I have gone to the gym for a full week. I can take a day off. You know, it's not good to exercise for more than a week straight. I could get hurt. This cheat day is really to help myself get stronger...

5. This resolution was a lot harder than I thought.

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Who in their right mind has time to eat healthy and go to the gym every day? Losing 5 pounds be damned.

6. Why did I make this resolution?

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I know that I am incapable of saving $1000 each month. Why would I decide to never spend money on going out or shopping? You only live once, and now I'm boring. What is wrong with me?! Why would I make such a restricting resolution?

7. Since my resolution was dumb, I'm allowed to not completely follow it.

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Well no one can teach themselves to sew a quilt. I never actually wanted to do that. So I'm allowed to take a little break. I don't have to work on my project every day.

8. Actually, on second thought, I think I'm just going to be done with this resolution all together.

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No one roller skates in this day and age anyway. It's not really worth my time. Life gets in the way. I should just spend it watching Netflix and spending time with friends and family.

9. What do I do with all the things I bought to help me with my resolution?

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What do I do with all these cookbooks that I bought to learn how to cook? I no longer have any interest to learn how to cook. I'll just stick them at the bottom of my closet because maybe one day I will want to learn how to cook.

10. Well there's always next year.

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At this point, the end of January is approaching fast. I'll just wait until next year to run a marathon. Marathons are overrated anyway.

New year's resolutions are overrated anyway. Good luck in the new year!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

An Ode to New Year's Resolutions

It's that time of year.

In This Article:

1) NEW YEAR!! NEW ME!!

2. I have kept my resolution going for a full day!

3. It has been a week!

4. I can have a cheat day.

5. This resolution was a lot harder than I thought.

6. Why did I make this resolution?

7. Since my resolution was dumb, I'm allowed to not completely follow it.

8. Actually, on second thought, I think I'm just going to be done with this resolution all together.

9. What do I do with all the things I bought to help me with my resolution?

10. Well there's always next year.

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He's going to ask for a glass of milk

You are fun, but firm.

"Getting drunk with your best friends is an experience in and of itself. It takes us on wild and ridiculous adventures with the people we trust with our lives."

The Mother Hen

The Instigator

The One Who Always Texts Her Ex

The Shakira

The Philosopher

The Reluctant Homebody

The MMA Fighter

The "I'm Not Even Drunk!" Girl

The Joey Tribbiani

The Horny Toad

The Aspiring Rapper

It's so rude that we have finals.

1. When you look at your finals schedule and become immediately overwhelmed:

2. When your professor says that the final is only going to be short answer questions:

3. When you text your parents to tell them that you're going to have a mental breakdown and drop out of college and they're just like:

4. When you're trying to study with friends, but then you realize that you haven't gotten anything done:

5. Then you just end up going on your phone.

6. When you're two weeks away from finals and your professor tells you that you should probably start studying now:

7. When you sit down to take your final and the first question hits you like:

8. When you start the practice problems and you're just like:

9. When you're in your final and find a question that you actually know the answer to:

10. When that one annoying kid in your class says that the final was super easy and they aced it:

11. When you come back from your 7:30 a.m. final and crash:

12. When your professor tries to teach you new material a week before the final:

13. When you decide to eat away the pain that is finals week by ordering massive amounts of food:

14. Filling out course evaluations for that one difficult professor like:

15. When it's right before your first final and you're just like:

16. When your professor tells that you the final is cumulative:

17. When the kid next to you keeps looking over at your test:

18. Looking back on the outfits that you wore during finals week like:

19. When it's been two hours and you've only gotten through five notecards:

20. When you finally make it to the end of the week:

Working in fast-food brings a whole new meaning to customer service.

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The funny customer

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Right-at-home customer

The inquisitive customer

The coupon customer

The perfect customer

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