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An Ode to New Year's Resolutions

It's that time of year.

Sarina Gersten

Dec 27, 2018

University of Connecticut

c1.staticflickr.com

1) NEW YEAR!! NEW ME!!

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Wooooo!!! The motivation of the new year is in full swing. It is, obviously, the perfect time to COMPLETELY TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE.

2. I have kept my resolution going for a full day!

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I am amazing. Nothing can stop me. I am on freaking fire! I have kept up my resolution to eat healthy for a full 24 hours.

3. It has been a week!

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Oh yeah! I have been knitting every day for a week. Everyone who gives up on their resolutions are weak. I am strong. I have the mind of a champion. I will obviously conquer my goals.

4. I can have a cheat day.

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I have gone to the gym for a full week. I can take a day off. You know, it's not good to exercise for more than a week straight. I could get hurt. This cheat day is really to help myself get stronger...

5. This resolution was a lot harder than I thought.

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Who in their right mind has time to eat healthy and go to the gym every day? Losing 5 pounds be damned.

6. Why did I make this resolution?

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I know that I am incapable of saving $1000 each month. Why would I decide to never spend money on going out or shopping? You only live once, and now I'm boring. What is wrong with me?! Why would I make such a restricting resolution?

7. Since my resolution was dumb, I'm allowed to not completely follow it.

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Well no one can teach themselves to sew a quilt. I never actually wanted to do that. So I'm allowed to take a little break. I don't have to work on my project every day.

8. Actually, on second thought, I think I'm just going to be done with this resolution all together.

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No one roller skates in this day and age anyway. It's not really worth my time. Life gets in the way. I should just spend it watching Netflix and spending time with friends and family.

9. What do I do with all the things I bought to help me with my resolution?

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What do I do with all these cookbooks that I bought to learn how to cook? I no longer have any interest to learn how to cook. I'll just stick them at the bottom of my closet because maybe one day I will want to learn how to cook.

10. Well there's always next year.

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At this point, the end of January is approaching fast. I'll just wait until next year to run a marathon. Marathons are overrated anyway.

New year's resolutions are overrated anyway. Good luck in the new year!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

An Ode to New Year's Resolutions

It's that time of year.

In This Article:

1) NEW YEAR!! NEW ME!!

2. I have kept my resolution going for a full day!

3. It has been a week!

4. I can have a cheat day.

5. This resolution was a lot harder than I thought.

6. Why did I make this resolution?

7. Since my resolution was dumb, I'm allowed to not completely follow it.

8. Actually, on second thought, I think I'm just going to be done with this resolution all together.

9. What do I do with all the things I bought to help me with my resolution?

10. Well there's always next year.

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Here are just a few of those things.

Take the time to thank that one friend in your life you will never let go of.

1. Thank you for being the one I can always count on to be honest.

2. Thank you for accepting me for who I am.

3. Thank you for teaching me what real love feels like.

4. Thank you for always making sure I'm safe.

5. Thank you for going through things with me.

6. Thank you for teaching me to take care of myself.

7. Thank you for going out of your way to make me feel supported.

8. Thank you for always being there to back me up, even when you know I'm wrong.

9. Thank you for constantly pushing me to live up to my potential.

10. Lastly, thank you for making such a huge impact on my life.

It sucks, but you’ll make it through

1. Please just be seasonal allergies

2. I must not have gotten enough sleep last night

3. I’ll just take a little nap

4. Oh no, I have so much due tomorrow!

5. I’m fine, I’ll just sleep it off

6. Do I have to be responsible today?

7. Ugh no, I can’t actually be sick

8. Alright, I’ll take some medicine and I’ll be fine

9. This is the worst day of my life

10. Mom?

11. She was right (like always)

12. Too bad you're busy and can’t take the day off tomorrow

13. You think about taking the day off, but realize you have like three tests

14. You think you're actually going to be sick forever

15. Finally, you're better!

Sleepovers are not a thing. They're just not.

1. You only ask things once.

2. Seriously, you only ask once.

3. When you do muster up the courage to ask your parents for something, you creep around and wait until they’re in a good mood.

4. Before you get that final yes, you have to go through an interview.

5. If you ever got “the eye,” you knew you were screwed.

6. You were always the first to leave your group of friends when hanging out.

7. If you say you will be home at a certain time, you better be home at that time.

8. Seeing a missed call from your parents sends fear and horror through your veins.

9. If relatives are coming over to the house, your room better be clean.

10. You are careful about what jokes you share with your parents.

11. "You’re not an adult until you turn 18! You can do whatever you want then!"

12. If plans change while you’re out, you better text or call.

13. Don’t talk back. Ever.

14. When you’re called by your full name, you’re in deep trouble.

15. Don’t make them call your name twice.

16. Sleepovers are not a thing.

17. Despite all of these things, you know your parents love you.

For better or for worse

1. Pets

2. Mornings

3. Mistakes

4. Cooking for yourself

5. Hosting

6. Taking care of yourself

7. Holidays

8. Roommates

9. Keeping focused and getting stuff done

10. Cleaning

11. Social life

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