This morning was like any other morning: I procrastinated getting out of bed, said good morning to my roommate, showered and checked my phone. Unlike most mornings, however, at 9:31am I had text from “CU Alert.” It was to alert all students that there was a man with a machete in a building on campus. I remained calm, stayed in my dorm, and ten minutes later, I was relieved by an alert that the attacker was in police custody. Phew. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I carried about my day. I went to Starbucks, got my coffee, and went to class as per usual.

During that class people’s phones kept going off, a majority of the notifications were from loved ones ensuring that their student was safe and news about the situation that morning as more information was being released. We continued with our class and were let out at our normal time. I went back to my dorm, made some Ramen and got ready for my next class.

The walk to my next class was a little emptier than usual. I figured some people were shaken up after what had happened that morning so they decided to skip class. I arrived in my lecture hall, sat down, took my notes- the norm. About 25-30 minutes into class, someone stands up, runs to the top of the hall, shuts the door and disrupts class. She then says “there’s reports of an active shooter in the building next to us.” The class reacted immediately. We went into lock down. I called 9-1-1. They said that they were already aware of the situation that I had called in and said there were already officers addressing the situation. The wait began. As I was crouched and shaking behind a seat, I grabbed my phone. I sent a text to my closest friends and said, “someone said there was a shooter in the building next to me. I love you guys.” Immediately I was bombarded with responses and questions, “where are you? What’s going on?” Has anything else happened?” The scariest part was, I did not know. I did not know what was going on, when we were getting out of lockdown, who was outside, or where my friends were on campus. I also did not know if that was the last thing I got to say to them. I know to some of you it may seem ‘dramatic’ to have thought those were my last moments, but never in my life had I ever been so terrified, and because I was clueless, my fears only escalated. I hope you never have to feel your heart drop like that, look around a room of 200 people and see that immense fear in their eyes, hold a friend as they are struggling to catch their breath while panic consumes them.

Those painful minutes ended when we got the “all clear.” We were told that the situation was thought to be a “hoax” but to still avoid that given area. With the go ahead, my class dispersed and I went back to the dorms with my friend. We collected a few things and packed a bag as I planned to leave campus immediately, to at least get away for an hour. Just as my ride was about to leave, I was instructed that our dorm was going on lockdown because there were reports, unconfirmed, of a harmer on campus. A group of about seven girls gathered in my dorm and waited the situation out. We stayed in that spot for about two hours as a stream of information began to pop-up on our phones. All the messages were from fellow fearful students. Of course, nothing was confirmed and who knows how many of them were rumors, but still all the information paralyzed my body with fear. I used that time to find where my friends were on campus, speak with my parents, send texts to my home friends and try to keep myself calm. What felt like a lifetime later, my RA knocked sand gave us the all clear. After that some people went back to their dorms, made arrangements to leave campus, and some even carried on with their daily routine. With the okay, I gathered some of my friends and we made plans to leave the campus. Even though we were told that everything is okay, there was a sudden urgency to leave the premises.

I looked around campus and felt uncomfortable: when I heard a footstep behind me I turned around, I was paranoid about my surroundings, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. Luckily, I was able to venture off campus and get my mind off of it for a little while. People were still texting me to make sure I was safe and to ask me what had happened but I was able to distract myself from my phone and feel normal for a little. After clearing my head, I responded to texts and saw that CU had sent an email regarding what had happened earlier.

The reports confirmed the situation with the man with a machete but said that the events that followed later that afternoon were what appeared to be a “hoax.”

While I feel relieved with that information, there is a large part of me that is still uneasy. I am still unsure about a lot. I was not totally sure about the events I witnessed, whether or not campus was truly safe, whether I should go about my daily routine the next day, and I was unsure about how I should feel.

For now, I just go to bed hoping for a safer and better tomorrow. I hope that everything is being dealt with and sorted out. I hope that anyone who is traumatized from this day’s events finds peace of mind soon. I hope that my family and friends know how much I love them, not only in that moment but, every second of every day. I hope that tomorrow will be –or at least seem like a normal day. But most importantly, I hope that violence on college campuses stops so that no other student feels the way that the students of The University of Colorado Boulder felt today.