OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a chronic anxiety disorder. People who suffer from OCD have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, images, and obsessions and engage in behaviors or mental acts in response to these things. And while some are able to hide their symptoms from the stigma, others including myself aren't so fortunate.

Whenever I tell someone I am diagnosed with OCD people automatically assume that I am a neat freak, well, I am sorry to burst anyone's bubble, but they couldn't be any more wrong. In fact, I am the most unorganized person and my room constantly looks like a bomb went off. Personally, those who consider themselves a neat freak have the easier form. With my OCD I need 100% certainty, for example, I would constantly check if my car was locked a solid five times ( yes I've counted). Along with my constant need to check on things comes extreme anxiety and excessive worrying to a degree that its considered paranoia.

I remember when I was younger I would excessively wash my hands to the point where they'd crack and bleed because I was paranoid that I didn't get the germs off. This would eventually escalate to me picking at my body and having open sores on my face and arms. By this point, my parents had enough and took me to a psychiatrist who loaded me on a number of pills that I never took because I was embarrassed and felt "crazy". I would always lie to my parents about taking the pills not realizing that they'd eventually catch on and individually count them because I wasn't getting any better. The medications started to take a toll on my body so eventually, we stopped them and seeing my psychiatrist in general.

As the years went on I would notice I would have periods where my symptoms would come and go.Sometimes I would go weeks without picking or scrubbing my hands, other times, my mother would threaten to tie my arms down in an attempt to stop me from clawing at my own face.

While my symptoms came and gone, I also had no idea that my OCD could worsen with age until the beginning of freshman year of college where I lost a decent amount of weight due to being fixated on staying thin.

Now entering my senior year I have learned to come to terms with the fact that although I have a mental disorder I won't let it continue to have me.

If you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.