If you've ever woken up in a daze and realized that you've missed your alarm and overslept, you might just get up and say, "well, I'm late anyway" and not rush through your morning procedure. You might be the person that's always late to things - parties, dinner dates, the movies- and you've accepted your tardiness. In school, you were known for being late and casually strolling into class with a Starbucks beverage in your hand.
That's not me. Not even close.
I have an irrational fear of being late. I'm obsessed with time and keeping track of it. I lay in bed and double check that my alarm is set to an appropriate time. I wake up earlier than my alarm to make sure that I'm not going to oversleep. I refuse to take melatonin to promote restfulness because I'm worried that I'm going to sleep through my alarm.
Older people are usually obsessed with the time because time is ticking away, they feel as though they're running out of time to live. Time wasted is time lost. But I'm only 21. Why am I so concerned with time being lost?
When I was a kid, I hated being late for school. In high school, even with my rebellious attitude, I hated being late. I would leave for school earlier than necessary, just to ensure that I'd get there with sufficient time. In college, I'd sprint across campus because I have a terrible sense of time and I believe that if a class is at 11, and I leave at 10:20, I'll be late for class. Mind you, I drive to campus and it takes me seven minutes to walk from my car to class.
At night, I don't sleep. I'm too preoccupied with waking up on time, or even before my alarm goes off. When I have a doctor's appointment, I arrive 45 minutes early, because I expect the worst traffic possible every time. At work, I'll show up almost an hour earlier than my shift, even though I live four minutes from my job. I'm never late, but I'm always worried I will be.
The "Hooked App" is an app that provides the latest deals and coupons for restaurants and other small shops. Each deal has a timer that counts down when the deal is going to expire. Want to talk about anxiety? Try looking for a good food deal with a timer flashing and counting down to zero while you can't decide on what you want to eat.
I wear a watch every day, preferably digital since it requires less time to tell time. I was never comfortable with analog clocks because I couldn't tell the time without more time passing while I struggled to figure it out. It's less of a fashion accessory and more of a necessary tool. I glance at clocks every few minutes, no matter where I am. God forbid I have a flight to catch - I never stop checking the time.
It's something that I can't seem to control, an obsession with no immediate solution, besides feeding into it further. It drives me absolutely mad when I see that no one else is as concerned with the time as I am, or when they tell me to "stop freaking out, we have plenty of time." For me, I'm always running out of time, watching it waste away, while I try to hold onto whatever few minutes I can.
Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping...
