Reflections.

Reflections literally everywhere.

The bathroom mirror morning and evening, day in and day out. The rear and the left-side and the right-side view on the daily commute. The window display at store after store after store that we walk by. The phone screen when the lock button is clicked once again.

We have every opportunity in the world to see our own reflection; to see into the moment we are living with more clarity of how others see us. We get to see ourselves in the most superficial way. Our face: that new pimple. Our legs: that nice tan we have going on. Our tummies: that lunch-time curry that is now swimming in regret. Our hair: that bed head we are disguising in a 'messy-bun.'

We are oh-so-comfortable with this. We almost invite it, don't we? It is not as if we avoid that side glance in the window as we waltz by or avoid standing for 20 minutes in front of the mirror, getting ourselves ready for the day. We are numb to looking at ourselves. It may stir up feelings now and again when the diet is not going as planned or last night's shenanigans left a little too dark of circles for our liking.

But for the most part, we are comfortable with looking at ourselves.

We are a part of a society that encourages the vanity in us. We are applauded for spending that extra half hour applying more make-up and doing our hair more skillfully because, to be plain, we like looking at beauty. We like looking around and seeing people who impress us, feeling this natural urge to be better and do better because the people around us appear to be doing so.

We are so in tuned to the surface level features of ourselves and of the world around us.

Yet, when asked to be introspective for a moment, to see the reflection of the past days/weeks/months of life and really learn about where we have come from and where we want to go?

Yeah, no.

Just stop right there.

Not about it. Not about to bringing up feelings and deeper thoughts and consideration of weakness.

Not about the idea of reliving the reprimanding we got at work, the struggle to find a sense of self, that day when things felt like they weren't in our control and we just wanted to scream.

No thanks.

We are so intent on avoiding that remembrance of what has already happened because, depending on the season, it may just bring up things that we are more than happy to keep in the "check, done, do not have to revisit" box of our lives. We are so intent on avoiding discomfort in all of its shapes and forms.

But... why, y'all? Why is that so engrained in us?

Why don't we let ourselves get a little raw-in-the-heart remembering where we have come from and where we are going?

Why don't we relish in the fact that we are such broken people and that means we have more chances than I can describe to grow and change and be better (Romans 5:3-4)?

If we never let ourselves take note of those things and thank our lucky stars for where we have been, then are we really growing? Are we really maturing and moving towards that person we want to be if we are too immature to recognize all that has been pretty sucky and all that has been indescribably joyous?

This summer has been incredible. I have had the amazing opportunity to work in a hospital where I learn daily how much I truly do not know. So yeah, it is hard. I have gotten in trouble for being too loud (surprise surprise haha). I have been told the work that I spent two weeks on was not what was expected so it was time to restart. I have failed to show grace to the other interns in moments of frustration and regretted it immediately. I cried long and hard over the re-watching of Derek Shepard, M.D.'s death (may he RIP).

But I have also added to the world of clinical research. I have engineered a processing code to better understand how kids with a Rotationplasty limb move post-op. I have met some of the most intelligent and fun people I know. I have hiked a mountain higher than I ever imagined my two legs carrying me. I have gotten to laugh until I cry with new friends.

I let myself look back on all of that because it keeps my humbly in awe of all that life has handed me and how resilient I can be when I let the Lord take those struggles and triumphs and change me for the better because of them (James 1:2-5). I put my weakness on display because it gives glory to a God so much greater than myself (2 Corinthians 12:9). I let my wins be known because, anyone who knows me can attest to this, it probably was not by my own doing that I completed and/or communicated something intelligent. (Shoutout for being school smart and street blonde; regularly praising the Lord that He has a sense of humor when He knits us together in our momma's womb).

So no, I am not claiming that any of that comes easily to me. I have spent more than two hands worth of commutes in complete silence while reflection left my heart in little pieces. I am one to really feel life, so when the feels are sad ones, it isn't a great time.

Even so, I let it happen because I have seen the beauty that comes at the end of that road.

An appreciation for yourself.

An understanding, much deeper than surface level, of what the building blocks of your life are.

A love for the downs as much as the ups, even in the moment.

An even tighter grasp on the idea that there simply must be something greater than yourself because the strength to thrive through all of it was other-worldly.

So all of this goes to say that reflection beyond just that in the mirror is such a necessary thing to embrace.

We have all been crazy places in this life, and it would be a huge disservice to ourselves to not take a moment to truly appreciate all of the journey.

Love y'all and prayers that each of us has hearts softened to the idea of feeling a little extra for the sake of growth by reflection.