For as long as I can remember, whenever someone has asked me where I was from, I'd tell them, "Well I was born in New Jersey, but I lived in New York for about eight years before I moved to Florida." That is to say, I lived in the North East. Yes, I know Florida isn't really the South (at least culturally), and that's not what I'm going to be writing about here. After I lived in Florida, I moved to North Carolina, in 2013. Four years later, you would think that I would have settled in nicely to the South and its culture, as most people do when they move states.
And I would be lying if I told you that is exactly what I've been doing.
The truth is, even after not living in New York for well over ten years, I still consider myself a northerner. I lived in Florida longer than I lived anywhere else, and I still consider New York my home. That being said, I just don't get the South. I know that every place is different, but seriously: how do people even live here? As a northerner, there are some things about this state and this culture that I just don't understand. The following is a list of just a few grievances, questions, whatever you want to call them, not in any particular order, of what it's like to live in the South when you're from the North.
What do I have to do to find a good bagel or slice of pizza?
Alright, I'm just going to say it: Biscuits and gravy is gross. Grits are gross. Go ahead, sue me, I'm not ashamed. In the North, the "signature dishes" are things like pizza, and bagels, and things that are considered perfectly normal in other parts of the country that aren't just the region they are from. Seriously, how do people in the South willingly put this meal in their bodies? It is thick, it is heavy, it is greasy. I'm not against greasy food. I am, however, against food that combines two very heavy ingredients and piling them on top of bread that really isn't that good. The biscuits are grainy and lumpy and just altogether gross. I'm sorry, but also I'm not.
Your southern hospitality is borderline creepy.
Seriously, everyone is so nice. People go out of their way to smile and say hello. People in the North mostly keep to themselves. Most of the people I've met upon moving to the South have shaken my hand upon our first meeting. As a perpetually anxious individual, having someone reach for my hand in an effort to shake it, I face a certain dilemma. I definitely don't want to be rude, but I don't want to touch a stranger's hand. I have gotten used to it, to some degree, but I definitely still feel so awkward when someone reaches for my hand.
The rest of this country is literally laughing at your "inclement" weather.
This goes for North Carolina in particular, not just the South in general. I get that the state is south of the Mason-Dixon line, and the states south of that line generally get less severe weather during winter. But seriously? Less than six inches of snow is not a cause for a state of emergency. The bread aisle at Walmart should no be completely cleaned out if you're only expecting to stay inside for a day or two. People in Florida handle hurricanes better than North Carolina handles snow storms.
If you don't have it monogrammed, is it even worth owning?
Seriously. Monogrammed. Everything. I can't go to a store, or go out in public, without seeing someone have an article of clothing, or a back, or a bumper sticker with their monogrammed initials. Usually, in that weird circular pattern, you know the one. What is with that? Do you not know your own initials? Do you want other people to know your initials? Please, just help me understand.
I really am not trying to bash your culture, or your lifestyle, or anything really, dear southerners. My friends all live in the South, I live in the South, so these cultural differences are becoming a part of my everyday life. But, as someone who proudly bears the nickname "Yankee," I just want to understand why. Maybe it will assimilate me into southern culture a little bit more.
