Losing weight is a typical resolution for the new year.

I chose to lose weight not because I wanted to sound like your typical person. I needed and still need to lose weight because I need to be healthy. I run a high risk for developing diabetes in my family so I should to be careful in what I eat and how I take care of myself. I have let that slip away. There are so many times where I have chosen the food that tastes good over the food that is better for me because I just can't suck it up.

I decided this year that I really wanted to try. I wanted to try to be healthy. I want to feel better about myself. I want to be HAPPY! I want to be okay with myself when I look in the mirror.

We all have days where nothing we do makes us feel pretty. I have more of those days than any other kind of days because I don't like what I see. I put on makeup, get my nails done, make sure my hair is fixed, and dress cute just to make me feel good about myself. Without all that I start to wonder, "What is even good about you?"

The other day, I looked in the mirror crying and said, "Why are your teeth not pretty? Why are you not pretty?" I don't want to live this way anymore. I mean really I shouldn't even say living. This is not living, this is surviving. I am surviving the lack of love I have for myself. It is hard to go through that every day.

So, I decided to do something about it. I have goals set. I have plans for how to reach them. Now, if only I can find the motivation to accomplish them.

I want to be able to say that I did this for myself. I am not doing it for anyone but me. I just want to be happy about what I see when I look in the mirror. I want something to be different.

So, that was my New Years resolution, and to me, it was way more than that. It's a lifestyle choice, not an easy choice.