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A Numbered List of Thoughts About the Election

So generic your computer could've written it; maybe your computer did.

Ariana Whalen

Nov 06, 2016

University of Southern Maine

A Numbered List of Thoughts About the Election

StareCat.com

In just a few short days, I could be running away from the country of my birth, sort of like Cary Grant sprinting away from this plane...

And it has left me with a few important questions.

1) Can I have a cry party if Trump wins? Does anyone want to join me? I can't provide alcohol because I'll need all my pennies to leave before January 1st, 2017, but I have an apartment and candles.

2) Will I ugly cry with relief if Clinton wins?

3) Where will I go if Trump wins?

4) Did this election cycle give me mad anxiety about the ownership of my body? (Answer: Solid fucking yes)

5) Is my depression seasonal or is it electional? Is electional a term?

6) Why am I panicking? Maybe because this guy got more media attention than any real issues did...

7) When will everyone realize that America has been consistently bettering itself? We do not want America to be as it once was! America used to burn people it thought were witches, enslave an entire race, and elected presidents that destroyed the lives of Indigenous people. America isn't great yet, but it could be. America definitely wasn't great. Stop insinuating that going back in time would make America better. It would not. Please shut up. Or as Snape would have it...

8) I just want this whole damn thing to be over with already. I feel like everyday has been a never ending marathon of a reality tv show. And I hate reality tv. I gorram hate it. Give me sci-fi or comedies any day.

9) Hopefully, there is a next time I post and it will be about meaningful things and not about this freaking election. If not, well, my sincerest of apologies for being lamer than a llama and...

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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A Numbered List of Thoughts About the Election

So generic your computer could've written it; maybe your computer did.

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Do you have a small get-together or throw a big bash?

1. Your family and friends ask what you want for your birthday, so you give them a list of options.

2. You're super excited about your birthday the week before.

3. Your family flies in town to celebrate with you.

4. Your siblings wake you up.

5. Your friends are so excited to be with you on your big day.

6. If you work, your office might throw a party for you.

7. For your actual party, you plan a small get-together with close family and friends ...

8. ... or large celebration with everyone you know.

9. You eat the best meal you've had in weeks.

10. You devour the first piece of cake proudly.

11. You embarrass yourself somehow.

12. You get the present you really wanted but thought no one would get you.

13. You are a little sad about getting older.

14. That feeling wears off and you realize how happy you are to have family and friends to celebrate this day with you.

15. The morning after your birthday looks something like this.

Syllabus week doesn't exist.

All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!