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A Numbered List of Thoughts About the Election

So generic your computer could've written it; maybe your computer did.

Ariana Whalen

Nov 06, 2016

University of Southern Maine

A Numbered List of Thoughts About the Election

StareCat.com

In just a few short days, I could be running away from the country of my birth, sort of like Cary Grant sprinting away from this plane...

And it has left me with a few important questions.

1) Can I have a cry party if Trump wins? Does anyone want to join me? I can't provide alcohol because I'll need all my pennies to leave before January 1st, 2017, but I have an apartment and candles.

2) Will I ugly cry with relief if Clinton wins?

3) Where will I go if Trump wins?

4) Did this election cycle give me mad anxiety about the ownership of my body? (Answer: Solid fucking yes)

5) Is my depression seasonal or is it electional? Is electional a term?

6) Why am I panicking? Maybe because this guy got more media attention than any real issues did...

7) When will everyone realize that America has been consistently bettering itself? We do not want America to be as it once was! America used to burn people it thought were witches, enslave an entire race, and elected presidents that destroyed the lives of Indigenous people. America isn't great yet, but it could be. America definitely wasn't great. Stop insinuating that going back in time would make America better. It would not. Please shut up. Or as Snape would have it...

8) I just want this whole damn thing to be over with already. I feel like everyday has been a never ending marathon of a reality tv show. And I hate reality tv. I gorram hate it. Give me sci-fi or comedies any day.

9) Hopefully, there is a next time I post and it will be about meaningful things and not about this freaking election. If not, well, my sincerest of apologies for being lamer than a llama and...

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A Numbered List of Thoughts About the Election

So generic your computer could've written it; maybe your computer did.

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I'm technically an adult, so I'm legally required to live a little, right?

1. Watch an R-rated Scary Movie in a Movie Theater

2. Buy a Lottery Ticket

3. Vote in an Election

4. Participate in a Run (or a Walk, Realistically) for Charity

5. Go on a Road Trip

6. Start a Savings Account

7. Get a Credit Card

8. Sign up for Spotify Premium

9. Go to a Club

10. Start a Meditation Routine

11. Go to a Yoga Class

12. Treat Myself to a Dinner for One

13. Volunteer for a Charity

14. Participate in a Research Study

15. Bake Something (That Ends Up Being Edible)

16. Go Skydiving

17. Be Called for Jury Duty

18. Figure Out What I Want to Do With my Life

The holiday classics that shaped my life

1."But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give: of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa's beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men."

"Sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

"If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose."

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

"Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it."

"If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find a that love actually is all around."

"Sometimes things look good on paper, but lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if to get it, you have to hurt the ones you depend on."

"'Maybe Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.'"

"Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to."

"There's room for everyone on the nice list."

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

1. Why are towels considered dirty when you get out of the shower clean?

2. Who closes the bus door once the bus driver gets off?

3. Why is there a "d" in "fridge" but not in "refrigerator"?

4. If you drop soap on the floor is the floor clean or the soap dirty?

5. Is the "S" or the "C" silent in the word "scent"?

6. Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

7. Would Lightning McQueen buy car insurance or life insurance?

8. Who put the alphabet in alphabetical order?

9. What color are mirrors?

10. If 2 mind readers read each other's minds whose mind are they really reading?

11. Is there a synonym for "synonym"?

12. If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, are your pants tucked into your shirt?

13. Why is it called "quick sand" if you sink slowly in it?

14. If I try to fail, but succeed, which one did I do?

15. If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?

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