I used to be a huge fan of birthdays when I was little. I remember all of the parties with all of the girls from my class in elementary school with all of the pink balloons and Barbie decorations. Then came middle school and the parties became much smaller with just a few girls. High school came and the parties were even smaller and soon became nonexistent.

Now I'm 20 and I would never dream of having another party. For the last three years, my perfect day was sitting at home with my dogs doing absolutely nothing. No fancy restaurant. No guest list. Nothing required of me whatsoever. That's the way I like it now and it's perfect.

Having just turned 20 last week, I was filled with this sense of nostalgia looking back over my life. It feels as though I have lived a lot longer than 20 years and trust me, if you lived my life, then you would understand the feeling. I don't know if I would change any of my experiences though, which is odd to admit and say out loud. My 20 years have taught me well and I have seen and experienced things that most people never do in a lifetime. Everything that has led me to this moment has shaped who I am.

I am now grateful for the moments that I have to myself in which I am not required to be doing anything. Moments of silence and peace keep me going, for I know that I have no tolerance for emotionally charged communication, be it a grunt, a sigh, a change in vocal tone or an unusual facial expression. I am hypersensitive to it all and for whatever reason, it all makes me incredibly anxious and upset. While I am capable of dealing with so much, I still require happiness and joy, so I revel in the small moments of contentment that I find.

I appreciate the little things more. Honestly, any little thing I can grasp onto for the sake of a moment of happiness. Finding a pencil in my bag could lead to a good day for me. Anything that can make the time go by a bit easier and faster for me while at college is welcome.

If I look back at myself at age 10 and then look and the myself now, I see a totally different person. No longer am I shy and dependent. No longer am I self-conscience and weak. I'm pretty damn tough now, and I'm probably the most honest and confident person that you will ever meet. I know the kind of person that I want to be, I know who I am now and if you aren't good with either, you can get out of my life. I will no longer live to make others happy.

I'm clear and confident with my convictions, and while I know many will judge, I will no longer deviate from the course. Now, I am also proficient in discerning who exactly will help me in my course and who will not, and while it has taken me many years, I think I am finally starting to figure it out. So if by any chance you set up a road block of any kind in front of me, you best forget my name and move along because I already forgot all about you.

I am 20-years-old and I know what I like and what I don't like. I know what makes me happy and what makes me unhappy. I accept that there are circumstances beyond my control that may bring me unhappiness, but I also accept that I have the power to bring happiness back into my life one way or another. I am over losing. It is my time to win.

I used to cry at the end of my birthday every year because I never wanted it to end. Now, I cry the night before because I don't want it to start. It means a new year will begin and I can't look ahead to see. However, if my life has taught me anything about myself, the rest of my years should be a piece of cake for me.