Everybody is beautiful; every body is beautiful. See what I did there?
It seems as if we are not educated enough to realize that we are not the only ones that are struggling to express the way we feel about ourselves and our bodies. What if you were told that one in 200American women suffer from anorexia while two to three in 100 American women suffer from bulimia? This is a true fact that not many of us are aware of. Four out of ten individuals have either personally experienced an eating disorder or know someone who has. Being a nineteen year old, I have met thousands of different people, a handful of which suffer from eating disorders and it was from the people I least expected it from.
These are extremely high statistics and numbers but it doesn't surprise me. Why is that? Maybe it is because most people are not happy in their own skin. Maybe it is because people face two of their worst enemies daily: themselves and a bully. Maybe it is because people are stressed. There are so many maybe's and not enough answers. There are so many maybe's and not enough harmony. There are so many maybe's and not enough love for oneself.
We live in a society where all we think about is "does this shirt make me look fat?", "do these jeans show my muffin top?", "what if I don't look as good as the other girls though?" As we get excited for the Victoria Secret fashion show on November 22, 2016 we all know that the whole time we will compare ourselves to the models. Some of you, like me, might be eating ice cream while watching it and realize how disgusted I am because that might be too many calories as I watch these girls strut on the stage.
As a female I am suppose to enjoy shopping, aren't I? I mean that is what society proclaims young girls love doing, right? Well I, and many others, can say that yes, I enjoy shopping. I enjoy looking at all the different types of clothes, shoes, jewelry, and purses. I mean how couldn't I when my major is all about fashion? What people don't realize is that some of us enjoy shopping but hate trying things on. We are scared of picking something cute out and going to try it on to only find out it was too small or didn't fit our body well. I used to try every single piece of clothing on because I refused to buy anything that wouldn't fit but the more I started to dislike my body I realized that I was just buying clothes to only take them home and try them on. This would result in me looking in the mirror crying because the cutest shirt I found is too small around my breasts or that it suction cups my fat rolls. It is times like these when I can't even stand to look at myself.
We live in a society where the moment you follow or add someone on social media, you get a real look in to their personal life; what they are doing 24/7, what they had for dinner on Saturday night, or their outfit of the day. As a girl, it is our intuition to follow celebrities or models and as we scroll through our Instagram feed we will look at their bodies wishing our legs were that long or skinny, that our stomachs were that flat, or that our butt popped out that much in a swimsuit.
We live in a society where celebrities like Kylie Jenner and Kim Kardashian preach self love one minute and the next they are walk into their plastic surgery appointment. Now, I am not saying this is an awful thing but don't preach something and do the complete opposite especially when you have a million fans watching your every move.
How do we fix this madness?
How does one individual fix hate?
We can try a million times and it may never succeed but as long as we stick together as a society, love will be spread.
I'm not trying to say that the society we live in is bad because there are some effective campaigns and social media frenzies that have gone viral to make girls get out of their comfort zone and start to have confidence within themselves.
A few of the biggest hashtags going viral on social media are #FreeTheNipple which is a movement where women are encouraged to post pictures of their bare nipples with hopes to stop the hate against women's breasts and "freeing the nipple." #FreeTheNipple basically allows women to earn their bodies back as their own instead of being materialized by our society which seems to constantly sexualize and victimize women (under certain situations).
One of the hashtags that I find to be absolutely beautiful is #LoveYourLines which ultimately was started for women who have children to show off their stretch marks or as I like to call them tiger stripes, because some feel insecure showing their bodies off after having children. I found this upsetting because they brought a piece of love into this world-- a child and because of what was left behind from the baby made them uncomfortable in their skin. This hashtag also goes along with women who have not have had children but have tiger stripes. Women show off their stretch marks to honor the different changes that women and their bodies go through with #LoveYourLines.
I remember hating myself and the way I looked until the end of my first year of college.
I remember running around the playground when I was little at school not having a care in the world, but I also remember being thirteen looking in the mirror grabbing my stomach and wishing I could look like someone other than myself. I hated that when I sat down my thighs would expand and look like mountains. I had a bigger chest, thighs, and number on the scale than all my friends by the time I was fifteen.
I remember making "weight loss goals" and a "work out schedule" on my calendar when I was sixteen.
I remember having models or work out trainers as my phone background, that way I was motivated to look like that and when I went to pick up that donut I had been craving, I put it right back down.
By the time I was eighteen, I remember feeling numb; I remember feeling ugly. I only nodded when family members told me to put more food on my plate or ask if that "was all I was going to eat." Little did they know, it would only sit in my stomach for a few hours before I would throw it all up in my bathroom. I went from being a bubbly, outgoing girl to hating myself all in a small amount of time. This changed my mood from happy to depressed within months. To look back and know that I was a size 2 at eighteen and yet I wasn't happy with myself brings tears to my eyes. My BMI was normal, I was physically active, my weight was normal, and most of all, I was healthy; I still hated my body.
A memory that will forever be in my mind is the amount of sadness and stress I felt throughout my first year of college; losing weight week by week and weighing less and less. I remember people complimenting me about how skinny I looked or how my clothes looked baggy on me. I finally felt skinny. I finally felt beautiful.
I wasn't eating but at least I was skinny.
I wasn't eating but finally, I was beautiful.
This is when I realized that there is a numerous amount of things wrong with this world that I wasn't noticing. How could I be happy with myself not eating but at the same time know that my body was becoming weak? I was ruining myself. I didn't need others to accept my body, I mean how can I expect people to accept it when I can't? No matter where you are or what you look like, people will always make comments about your body shape, your weight, your face, your clothes, etc. and there's nothing you can do about that.
I am not alone, of course. I am just part of the percentile that falls under the two or three out of 100 American women who suffer from bulimia; another statistic to this world.
While writing this article, I didn't want to just share my story. I wanted to share stories of other women that have had an impact on my life as well as the people that they surround. I wanted to share the stories of women who have suffered from not loving themselves and they agreed to share their experience with me and all of the individuals who read this. I sent each of them questions to choose from as well as sending me a photo of them "hiding" what they are insecure about the most when it comes to their body only if they felt comfortable. They are all different heights, weight, and shapes but all share the same experience of not having self love at one time throughout their life.
Getting to know these women, I have seen their emotions truly come out while writing this and it breaks my heart to know that they felt this way for years on end. They are amazing, stunning, inspiring individuals and someday, I hope they all realize this. I hope every single person realizes just how much their worth truly is and that they light up the room when they walk in because they are that beautiful and radiating.
Araceli- 20 years old from Imlay City, Michigan
What is your proudest moment?
I would say my proudest moment would be realizing that I wanted to live. One day I decided just to be happy, I didn't need to have these negative thoughts race my mind everyday. Yes I still deal with depressing moments every once in a while, but there is not one day that goes by now that I am not happy with being alive. Understanding that my body and how I viewed myself was something I needed to work on, and it would be a struggle but with the help of my friends, family, and boyfriend I would overcome the daily nightmare I had with myself. I can say that today I can actually look in a mirror for longer than five seconds and not burst into tears. People would always think that me hating who I was, was a call for attention, but they really didn't understand the truth behind it. And others might find it weird that the proudest moment for me was realizing that I was beautiful, and that the world and my life was amazing.
Do you remember how old you were when you first felt insecure about yourself?
I was 10 years old when I first felt insecure about my body, and that would not have been the last. It was just the beginning of a hard battle of myself and my insecurities. I was insecure about almost everything, my weight being my number 1. It is still something I am insecure about, but who isn't right? I remember looking down at my stomach when I was in a bathing suit, and making my sister give me a shirt because I was so disgusted and embarrassed of my stomach. I mean I was 10 for crying out loud, and probably like 60 pounds. Then on, I hated my stomach, everything about it. I never wore a bikini, nor did I feel attractive in one. It wasn't until a few months ago that I finally realized that I didn't need to be 100 pounds to be beautiful. My boyfriend has helped out immensely to realize how actually beautiful I am, and I am so glad that I can look at myself and not want to bawl my eyes out or die.
Why is self love important to you? How has it helped you?
I think that self love is extremely important, not only to girls, but to guys as well. Girls now a days struggle so much with their self image, and it is a bigger issue than a lot of people might think. You are inside your head every single day of your life, and there are hundreds of thoughts that race through your mind. If you are truly not happy with yourself, it is very sad and a tough life to have.
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
My favorite thing about myself is the fact that no matter who you are or what you have done, I will always be there for you and help you. That can play as a negative and a positive but I care too much even when people are not deserving of it but that is because every single person should know that someone is there for them.
If your future daughter came up to you and told you that she hated herself and her body, what would you tell her?
If my future daughter came up to me and told me that she hated herself and her body the best piece of advice I would give her is that it is normal. There isn't anything wrong with her because she isn't happy with her body, everyone goes through it. I would tell her about my past experiences and the pain it caused me not loving myself but then I would tell her that it was all worth it because look at me now. It is my hopes that my future daughter never has to deal with the pain self-hate put me through.
Priscilla- 21 from Hamburg, Germany
What is your proudest moment?
My proudest moment was on July 6, 2015 after a long, hard working time of three years because I finally graduated from college with good grades. I never thought that I could do it. To see my family and friends being proud was my proudest moment.
Do you remember how old you were when you first felt insecure about yourself?
I felt insecure about myself when I was about 16 years old. Before that, I didn't care what other people were thinking of me, I was a really open-minded, confident, black girl.
Why is self love important to you? How has it helped you?
Self love is the most important thing because people won't really love you if you can't love yourself. Loving myself has helped me a lot as well as it opening a lot of doors for me. I finally do things to make myself happy and not only to please everyone around me. I have to be happy first because it's my life.
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
I am really open, I make friends quickly, and I make people laugh. I love different cultures and I like to explore them as a person.
What would you tell yourself ten years from now?
I would tell my 31 year old self to be successful, to enjoy every second of life, and to have faith in Jesus. I hope to be married with 2 or 3 kids and to help my parents they way they have helped me. I would like to move to America and see you (Sesa) more often.
Taylor- 19 years old from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
What is your proudest moment?
Going far away to college and being able to proudly stand in a room with my head high feeling like I finally belong. I finally found somewhere that I can be myself without any previous attachments, stories, or standards. It was beyond a relief and life changing for me. Everyone should be given that chance each day to be the true person they feel they are. That has allowed me to love myself so much easier.
Do you remember how old you were when you first felt insecure about yourself?
Sixth grade. Middle school was rough for me and it began in sixth grade. I was friends with the "cool" girls at the time and felt insecure when they were getting boyfriends and holding hands and wearing smaller sizes than me. After I got fake asked out by a popular boy (that my friends at the time set up,) I felt beyond alone, ugly, and not good enough. Girls are cruel, but I let them destroy my self confidence and worth that my parents were so proud of. I was always the smiling, giggly, and cheerful person. For a long long time, I was not this person. But I am proud to say I finally am seeing that person again.
Why is self love so important and how has it helped you?
Being proud of your inner-self as well as your physical appearance is entirely necessary in order to be happy with your life. I can definitely name times where being insecure and unhappy with myself has discouraged others as well as myself away from activities. But some of the best days of my life have been those where I am alongside those who care about me. Those days, I am having so much fun being happy that I forget and truly wonder why I spend so many hours staring at myself in the mirror nitpicking every inch of my body when I could be out making memories.
How do you begin to self love?
One of my best friends helped me discover the love and beauty in myself. He didn't just tell me, he showed me ways I was beautiful and truly cared for. I am beyond thankful that I had someone to help me along the way to loving myself. But self love does not come from someone else. And that is important to know. It has to start with you. Self love and self respect cannot be given by a partner, a friend, or family member. Their support means the world, but what I learned is that if self appreciation doesn't come from you, it isn't true self love.
Why are you covering what you are covering in your photo?
I tried to not even picture my legs and cover whatever was left of them. Mine have always been larger and as a result, been a larger insecurity for me. Looking at my friends and people around me constantly comparing my body to theirs has taken a toll on my confidence.
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
My favorite thing about myself is my laugh and humor. My personality is something I take high pride in and get compliments all the time. Physically, my favorite thing is my big brown eyes. As a younger child, I would beg and cry to have blue or green eyes instead of the "poopy" colored ones but I find my unique pair of brown eyes to be quite beautiful and lovely now.
What would you tell yourself 10 years from right now?
10 years from now, I hope that I'll finally be completely happy with my body and flaws. I hope I'll be a fun, sexy, and radiating woman that I can be truly proud. I hope that I improve my self esteem even more than I have since sixth grade. I've come so far and I am proud to say I love who I am.
Ashley- 18 years old from Caro, Michigan
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
My favorite thing about myself has to be my smile and how it's contagious to other people.
Have you ever been insecure about your weight and why?
I've always been insecure about my weight because I want to be healthy and fit, and I'm close, but have work to do.
Why are you covering what you're covering in your photo?
I'm insecure with my stomach. Because it doesn't look like the ones you see all over the Internet. The perfectly flat and no jiggle stomachs.
Is there something about yourself that you have always disliked?
I've always disliked my nose and how it has a big bridge and I don't like my skin because it's not clear.
If you could give girls struggling with self love or body image issues what would you tell them?
One thing I would tell girls struggling with body image is take it day by day. Your body changes constantly. Don't compare yourself to others or worry about what they have to say. Focus on yourself and you'll learn to love yourself. It's a daily struggle, but try to be positive. Some days I love my body, other days I cry at the sight of it. It's a battle that takes a long time to win.
Avery- 21 years old from Frisco, Texas
What is your proudest moment?
My proudest moment was not until recently. 15 months into my weight loss journey, I was able to model a wedding dress that fit like a glove and I just remember telling myself it was all worth it.
Do you remember how old you were when you first felt insecure about yourself?
I was in 5th grade when I first felt insecure. That's when I started to get bullied for how I looked. It continued all the way through high school. When I was in middle school, I was bullied so bad for my weight and having two moms that I had a really bad anxiety problem; I pulled out my eyelashes.
Why is self love so important and how has it helped you?
Self love is incredible. It's the only type of affection you can count on. You're stuck inside your head all day, and if you're constantly picking on yourself then you have become your own bully. Self love has given me so much freedom to love everyone around me more, and at the end of the day I don't care what other people think of me.
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
My favorite thing about myself is actually nothing to do with my body, but my character. Growing up the way I did has taught me to accept everywhere for the way that they are, and the help those you are looking for a change. It is my gift to make others feel beautiful.
What would you tell yourself 10 years from right now?
In 10 years from now, I hope I have the same mindset... to love myself and to love others.
What is some advice you would give women who are struggling to love themselves and their body?
My advice for women and girls or even men that struggling is to never give up on yourself. It takes time to really find love in yourself, but the more you say good things to yourself, the more you believe it. I found love in myself when I was over 245 lbs. I loved myself enough to want to take care of my body, and fuel it with good. I exercised out of love of my body, so that my body could be strong. Now I'm 150 lbs and I still love myself, even more now. A whole year of just taking care of myself gave me all of the power in the world. I am fearless, unstoppable, independent. I no longer run to food when I am sad or depressed. I run to myself an remind myself that things will always be okay and always be better tomorrow.
Just like every other person, I find something or many things about myself that I hate. My stomach happens to be one of them (as you can see in the picture above) and it has been one of my biggest insecurities since I was a freshman in high school. If you go on any of my social media, you will see that I seem to be the type of girl who loves her body and wants to show it off as well as someone who likes to have fun. Did anyone ever tell you that looks can be deceiving? Well if they did, believe them. There are days when I have more energy than a five year old who just had a glass of Mountain Dew and then there are other days when I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. It doesn't matter how much you work out or how healthy you eat, if you don't love yourself, you will never be happy with yourself. We stress upon the "body goals" too much that we lose track of how important we are. You only get one body in this life and you owe it enough to love it and to take care of it. Learning to love yourself will be the hardest thing you will ever do in life but it is the best kind of love.
