Ever since I was 16 years old my Novembers were marked by a specific landmark event — One Direction. I remember sitting at my computer, aimlessly, scrolling through Tumblr trying to find the leaked material from the UK-based boyband that I had spent hours making googly-eyes at through a computer screen. Since 2011, my Novembers were specifically announced when I would receive a perfectly packaged, Yearbook Edition, of a new One Direction album, until this year. As 2016 has already left its terrible mark on the whole world, my 2016 seems to be one month short.

November 18, 2011: Up All Night

The album I had spent a whole year yearning for. I specifically remember something remarkable about the status of One Direction at this time, they had no Pandora station. I’m not quite sure what I was planning on listening to with their station because they didn’t even have any songs released, only X Factor performances. Yet, once this album came out, the game changed. Sure, I listen to this album now and laugh with lyrics talking about cuddling in the floor of a club and describing girls as “yeah yeah yeah.” But, it takes me back to a time when my biggest concern was trying to find a blazer the perfect shade of navy blue to match Harry Styles.

November 9, 2012: Take Me Home

I remember the day this album was leaked I was at a volleyball tournament and I thought about quitting the team just so I could go listen to it. Unfortunately, I stayed on the team (and got hit in the face), but listened to it right when I got home. Let me tell you, One Direction was preying on my poor 17 year-old soul. Starting out with the first single, Tonight let’s get some and live while we’re young, and had me in a full asthmatic attack, followed by only the second track of “Kiss You.” If you don’t want to take it slow, and you just want to take me home. Still living with my parents in a bedroom full of stuffed animals, I still thought I would be running into Niall Horan on the streets of my small town and taking him home with me. That never happened, by the way.

November 23, 2013: Midnight Memories

Here I was, a mature senior in high school, but to me, a mature senior in high school wore One Direction shirts and had bracelets saying “I Love Louis” stacked up to their elbow. That is all beside the point, though. I was on Thanksgiving break and still woke up before 7 a.m. to watch One Direction perform on a morning talk show because I was a good fangirl. This is where I swore to everyone that would listen, which was only my mother, that they were not boys anymore, but men. Their lyrics had matured from, You don’t know you’re beautiful, that’s what makes you beautiful to powerful words of, Written in these walls are the stories that I can’t explain, leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days. At this point in my life, I thought One Direction along with myself had reached our peak of maturity. I was very wrong.

November 17, 2014: Four

Flash-forward a year and I was in my first year of college. Still loving One Direction, but with a low-key ease so people didn’t think I was that girl. Even though, I was definitely still that girl. Four is the most under appreciated One Direction album out there and it may take the win in my eyes. There were so many songs that I could gush about: “Fool’s Gold,” “18,” “Fireproof,” the list goes on and on. My mom still addresses me, as per my request, as Girl Almighty. Yet, I think the most heartbreakingly beautiful thing about the album Four is the underlying messages about unhappiness and confusion surrounding the departure of Zayn Malik. Spaces between us keep getting deeper, it’s harder to reach ya even though I try. Spaces between us hold all our secrets, leaving us speechless and I don’t know why. I remember the first time I listened to “Spaces” mostly because of the uneasy feeling I got in the core of stomach. I knew something was wrong with Zayn, and the warning lyrics made everything seems a bit more real.

November 13, 2015: Made In The A.M.

A monumental album, the first without Zayn and the last before “hiatus.” This album was filled with amazing hits with equally amazing lyrics. Reflecting back on all of their achievements in “History” to promising they will always be One Direction with “Drag Me Down.” Made In The A.M. signified a redemption and departure all in one album. I often like to throw out the idea that all their sad love songs on this album are about Zayn. I also like to prove that idea with lyrics from “Walking In The Wind,” Yesterday I went out to celebrate the birthday of a friend, but as we raised our glasses up to make a toast I realized you were missing … We had some good times, didn’t we? Regardless of whether I am right or not on that theory, I realized that the maturity peak I thought we had both made in Midnight Memories, was found in this album, proving that we are all still growing.

So as I reflect back on my past five Novembers I realize I have made it full circle. I started my One Direction experience as a sophomore in high school and made it to a sophomore in college. I have went through many different life experiences with them playing in the background and now my year, my life, isn’t complete without them.