Nothing But A Vessel.

My heart has been tired and my spirit has been silent.

Last night I was in my car on my way to Tuesday night prayer and I was in tears.

“Lord, I need to hear You. Please, I don’t even care what You say to me, just say something.”

After a period of silence that felt like forever, I pulled it together and went inside.

The group of us students worshipped together and prayed for one another.

I began to pray for one of my friends with words that were not my own and for a split second I felt what she was feeling and I was brought to tears.

Afterwards, I got inside my car and all of a sudden my heart was filled.

All of a sudden I was just so happy, the purest kind of joy.

The silence in my spirit broke.

“You don’t need to hear Me, you need to be used by Me.”

Then something I always knew finally hit me.

“Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for My sake will find it.”

-Matthew 10:39

I finally get it.

I am nothing but a vessel and I don’t ever want to be anything more.

The joy that comes with serving Him is something that I never want to live without.

Without the Lord, I am broken and desperately searching for something to fill the God shaped hole in my heart.

Without Him, I am nothing.

I need Him.

I need to be used by Him.

I need to be His vessel.

A life without the Lord is not one that I want to live.

If this life is not one that is going to bring Him glory then I don’t want it.

So from this point forward I have decided to give up on everything else, to give up everything that might keep me from running towards God.

College can be very distracting especially for an extravert with ADHD, but I refuse to be distracted any longer.

My only desire is to be His vessel.

That is my only goal and to that I am running.