From the long, sleepless nights I have spent crying to the mental abuse I have dealt with, I have gone through hell and back because of you.
It all began with a simple insult and escalated to a point that seemed to be irreversible. You’re annoying. These two words started to repeat in my mind, each time causing me to relive the amount of pain I experienced when I first heard them. You’re annoying. Loneliness began to engulf my mind and led me to push away everyone I loved. I didn’t eat. You’re annoying. I didn’t sleep. You’re annoying. You did this to me.
From that one insult came a thousand others, not from the people that I surrounded myself with, but from the demons within me. Insecurities of all kinds developed, ranging from negative thoughts about my appearance to uncertainties about my potential. Does everyone hate me? What if I'm not smart enough? I began avoiding mirrors because I was convinced that I looked hideous. I neglected the love and support my family and friends offered in fear of them abandoning me. I was afraid to get attached so I let myself detach from the ones I loved. I saw nothing good about myself, so how could others? All of my self-doubts brought me to a dark place in which I was entrapped and unable to escape. I have been a victim to your cruelty, but I will not be one anymore.
While I will always have bad days and times where I feel inadequate, I will not let you get the best of me. I have suffered for far too long and quite frankly, I never deserved it. I was never as bad as I made myself out to be. As easy and familiar as it is to hate myself, it is worth more to go through a battle in which I appreciate who I am and how far I have come. Rather than bashing myself for the flaws that I have, I am learning how to appreciate all of my qualities, whether they are good or bad. I take the insecurities I have and instead of continuing to hate myself for them, I use them as motivation to improve myself. While you have caused me an immense amount of pain, you have also served as a factor in my self-growth and character development.
You have left an impact on me in ways that I will never be rid of. I will always have slight doubt in how others feel toward me and ponder on the thought if I truly am good enough. You have helped me realize that there is a fire in me that will never burn out. No matter how insecure I feel, I will always perservere on the journey of self-love. I am determined to provide myself with the love that I deserve and the love that only I can give to myself. You have beat me down, you have wounded me greatly, but I still remain strong. I was once a victim of all that you put me through, but now I am proud to say that I am a survivor.
