I don’t miss you anymore. When I see your face, I no longer feel the butterflies in my stomach or the fluttering of my heart. I don’t think about what you’re doing when you’re not with me or if you’re missing me the way I’m missing you. I no longer feel the weight of loving you without the same love and respect being reciprocated. I don’t feel the hurt when you don’t live up to my expectations. I no longer feel the need to please or impress you. I no longer feel the need to keep dwelling on the fact that you are no longer in my life. I have become my own sun (Thanks Dr. Yang for giving Meredith the best speech in all of "Grey’s Anatomy" and its 12 seasons).
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People talk about relationships, and they glamorize the good that can come from them; but they neglect the bad that is also present and prominent. People neglect to mention the late nights waiting up for your significant other, as well as the passive-aggressive jokes made to unleash the resentment one feels towards the other. While “relationship goals” are posted on social media in massive waves, we tend to neglect to share the posts that show the mental and physical abuse that can also occur in those relationships that look so picture perfect on the outside. To be real, I think we see, do and live in a world we make up or only want to see.
I do want to thank you. Thank you, for showing me what I look like at my worst and allowing me to realize that I can make it out and be happier than ever. I spend more time loving-- loving myself, my friends and my family. I spend more time reading, too. I find myself having the time to focus on my faith and reading the Bible, something I found joy in before you came into my life. Thank you for teaching me that I deserve the world and to be loved by someone, no matter my faults and flaws.
I’ve moved on. Not into a new relationship-- I haven’t found someone to love me or to hold me at night. However, I have found love: love for myself. I can look in the mirror and see the good in myself, both the inner and outer beauty. I no longer question my self-worth or my abilities to succeed. I found myself, and my faith, and I did it without you. I know that I am worthy of giving my love and receiving it in return.
You are no longer the center of my universe. Thank you for
leaving. Thank you for leaving me at my worst. Thank you for texting me many
times months after we ended, just to pull me back into your toxic life. Thank
you for leaving. Thank you for helping me find myself and love the woman I have
become. I now love more freely and live more
boldly. I now live to make me happy.
