In high school I’ve learned that there are strict boxes you're expected to fill. As a girl theses boxes glare at me daily, everyone is obsessed with labels. You have your sci fi nerds, your bookworms, your jocks, your slutty jocks, your sluts, your alcoholics, your lesbians, your straight girls who party with lesbians, your loners, your stoners, your preppy overachievers, your drama geeks, your HOT drama geeks, your band nerds, and the magnum opus of them all : the ultimate girl next door.

I’ve always sort of brushed off this juvenile and frankly oppressive labels, however recently they’ve caught my interest. I’ve always been quick judge people label themselves in these ways. Even if they don’t acknowledge them verbally I often catch people perfecting all of their characteristics in order to all point towards one stereotype, and this irritates me deeply. Why can’t we all just be ourselves? Let each individual characteristic fall where it may and not worry about fitting into boxes. However one label’s legacy has drawn me in.

The girl next door, she's sweet and funny, You feel effortlessly comfortable with her, her interests are intriguing but not surprising, she’s easy to read. She’s the kind of girl who’d happily help you paint your bedroom. Laughing along with you as you dance with brushes, a small splotch of paint on her nose, but you don’t tell her right away because she makes it cute. Everything about her is cute. She’s an avid reader, but she doesn’t shove her tastes down your throat, she's smart but not a know it all. Everything about her screams medium length flowy white summer dress.

Recently I’ve heard a lot about this type of girl. I’ve asked through hidden tears, what is so great about her? And the answer, the girl that universally has been chosen over me, is the ultimate girl next door. “That’s just not you” my friends tell me half heartedly, you’re “spunky”, “passionate”, “spontaneous”, “intimidating”, I’ve heard them all. The more vague boxes my friends try to offer up as pathetic participation awards for my valiant efforts.

For the record, it's true. All of those words do describe me, but they are not all I am.

It’s funny, I found myself deeply irritated by the words used to label me, yet at the same time I was desperate to gain a different one. I wanted to be considered soft, vulnerable, innocent.

Just once I wanted to be the first choice for my first choice, I wanted to put on a dull red lip stick and go eat pasta in a reasonably priced restaurant chosen by my date and not me.

But that’s not who I am, that’s not how I’m treated at least. Because I’m not your typical girl next door.

The truth is there is no such thing. Because humans are not just one thing, and when you put yourself or someone else in box you strip that person of their true identity, of their individuality. No one is one thing.

I am incredibly sarcastic, yet deeply sincere. I’m an independent, loudmouth feminist who get misty in the eyes when I see the holiday barbie collection, I am a bundle of contradictions. But so is everyone. I keep waiting for someone to look at me and instantly see my complexities, to understand that just because I have the loudest voice in the room doesn’t mean I don’t care what others have to say. Just because I’m at ease as “one of guys”, doesn’t at all strip me of my femininity. But that’s not how it works. It’s my job to project the image I want for myself into the world, but I can’t control how people receive that image, and working I’m accepting that.

Because if everyone wants to chase the girl next door, if everyone wants to obsessively label themselves and everyone around them, that’s fine. That’s not what I want.

I want to remain true to myself, even if sometimes it does me zero favors. Because i know in the long run it save me a lot of pain.

So, though this article is sort of me searching for clarity for myself, the clarity I can share is just be yourself. Don’t try to fit into a box, and just keep ripping off their labels, even when it starts to hurt. Enjoy being a sexy / fabulous ball of contradictions, because it’s pretty awesome.