Ah, the holidays. Snow, Christmas trees, cookies, family. Eternal questions about your life and school and future and love life and career aspirations and when you're going to get married and how many kids you want to have and where you'll live and work and WOW now I'm definitely overwhelmed (as if I wasn't already)! It's a crazy fun time of the year, but also the time of year when you're going to end up questioning (and being questioned about) your life choices and aspirations.
And let me tell you all again: I do not know what I'm doing. I haven't got a clue.
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I'm winging it.
We're all winging it.
We've all been winging it and will be winging it for years because I guess that's life.
And I may not know where I'm going, but I'm sure I will get there.
My life plan changes constantly. I'm always changing my mind on what I want to do and where I want to end up and how I want to get myself there. Honestly, half the time, I desperately just want to move to the Netherlands and work in the Van Gogh Museum with all the art and sunflowers.
So a disclaimer to everyone who will ask anyone: we'll figure it out, we're still just kids now.
I'm doing my best right now, I'm doing well, I have jobs and relationships and friends and goals and plans, but I'm not sure how to get them carried out. I don't know how to make sure things work out, but I know that they'll end up working out somehow anyway. So don't worry about me, I'll figure it out. I'll worry about me.
Even when I think I have it figured out already (and let's be honest I do sometimes have it figured out I've had the same basic life plan since I was 10), I doubt myself sometimes. I question if that's really what I want to do and where I want to be. I've even questioned what kind of pets I want and whether I want to live in a house or an apartment or a trailer park (at the moment that seems ideal but will it in 5 years? We'll see).
Should I give up my major and try to be an actor? Should I move to Europe and work odd jobs? Should I give up everything and Into the Wild it? Probably not, but all that still seems appealing at times.
In any case, the same theme runs through: I don't usually know what I'm doing, even when it seems like I do. I may not be 100% on what my plan is, but I'm sure it'll end up being fulfilled. I'm sure whatever path I'm fated to be on I'll get to soon enough. And I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels this way at all.
So trust me, I've got this. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I know I'll get there.
