I’m the kind of person who has always put others’ needs above my own. Throughout high school, I spent my life focusing on what everyone else needs rather than what I needed, which eventually led me to an inability not only to act on my own behalf but also to speak up for myself. I remember feeling guilty, almost apologetic if I ever did something for myself.
It was only recently that I realized putting yourself first is 100% necessary. And once I started, I immediately started feeling like a whole new person. I was able to let go of some of my pent-up frustration and start over again, introducing myself to a new way of living: one where I come first.
And I will never be sorry for it again.
I don’t remember a specific moment where I realized that change was necessary to my personal happiness. There was no lightbulb moment or crazy ‘rock bottom’ story. Instead, it was a gradual realization where I started to find that life was so much better when I was happy.
And being sorry for your own happiness is so overrated. I was so scared of what people thought of me that I became a doormat for anyone who needed it. In doing that, I put myself in a position where I spread myself too thin. I was always tired, and I never did the things that I wanted to do.
I didn’t know how to be myself anymore.
A fear of being seen as selfish or too self-involved is all too common. Lately, we have put way too much pressure on trying not to be narcissistic. We’ve forgotten that there’s a line between self-love and self-centered, and putting yourself first is NOT on the ‘self-centered’ side of that line. Anyone who says otherwise does not need to be a part of your life.
A huge part of putting your happiness above anything else is knowing when to say ‘no.’ Saying yes to everything that is asked of you is unrealistic and possibly detrimental to your own mental health.
Remember that you are human. You can’t do everything at once. So, when someone asks a favor and you just don’t have the time, say no. You don’t have to be mean about it, but you also don’t have to feel bad about saying yes to something that will end up hurting you. Know that it’s okay. Know that you don’t have to apologize.
When I first learned how to say no, I was scared of it. I was worried that it may seem self-centered or rude. But instead, I started to realize that this was my way of taking care of myself. And I am worth the self-love.
You deserve to love yourself. You deserve to protect yourself. You deserve to be happy. I will never apologize for being my own first priority, and neither should you.
