Take a minute and Google, "Why Joining A Sorority Was The Best Decision I Made In College." Note how many searches show up in the results. OK, now Google, "Why Joining A Sorority Was The Worst Decision I Made In College." Compare the search results. OK, so I know I am not the only one who had a negative experience with "the greeks."
If you are not obsessed with your organization, don't you dare talk about it. Don't you dare speak the honest truth you have experienced - all wrath will beat upon you. Your Little Sister will shun you. Your Big Sister will send passive aggressive messages to your Little about how you are NOT a leader to the organization... which can only mean you are not a good person or a real leader to the world outside this made up utopia. The president might send you a nasty passive aggressive text or email about how "you are not contributing your part" and how your punishment will be in late fees - AKA extra money for the organization. Run into members of the organization? They won't talk to you. Well actually, I will take that back - they will talk to you - but only behind your back to other "sisters."
"Sisters will always have your back." "You can come to your sisters about anything." "Sisters love you to the greek realm and back." "Nobody can break the bond between Little and Big." I believed it all. I ate it all up. I finally had a "real" big sister. I finally had a group of intelligent, mature, young women to help me grow and be the best person I could ever be. I really believed it all. My real friends "would not understand" the bond I had with my sisters. There was something so mysterious and neat about being so close to a group of women.. and the outsiders not understanding it.
Deep down I noticed things that were questionable. I remember going through pledging and thinking I should be more into what was going on. I shook all of these thoughts off. The big sisters were more mature than me. They knew more. I needed to give everyone a chance... now was not the time to let intuitive Gabby take rein. I slowly became so incredibly brainwashed. My sorority could never do wrong, it was the people in the organization who could fall - and disappoint HER. It almost became like a cult. The more involved I became in the organization, the more wrapped up I became with it. The more involved I became, the more my personal identity and my identity in the sisterhood became intertwined. I never wanted it to end. I worried of the day I would graduate from the sorority and receive my last rose. I wanted to get a tattoo behind my ear reading a latin phrase very meaningful in our ritual. The longer I was in the organization, the more space appeared between my non-sorority friends at college and myself.
Despite all of these things growing over time, I was completely naive to what was going on inside me. I was so incredibly lonely and heartbroken. My parents divorced a few years ahead of time, and I was not over it yet. My major overwhelmed me. I did not have a lot of "college" friends since I transferred to a new school my sophomore year. I fell in love with one of my best friends and she did not like me back. The sorority was a void for me. People continued to push me to give it a try - so I thought why not.... the worst that could happen was I would not get a bid.
Little did I know, I was severely depressed. I was so depressed to the point where I started to get bad grades. I was trying so hard, yet exhausted and struggling. It was so frustrating. The control I had over my emotions continued to become less and less. I would cry in front of peers. I would cry in front of professors. I would have frequent panic attacks. It was horrible, and I did not bat an eye. I continued to push myself. I blamed myself for not working hard enough. I told myself I was not good enough.
As my depression worsened, I put more and more energy and time into my sisterhood. I thought I was doing good things, but I soon realized I was making everything so much worse. The more pressure on myself, the less I could handle the commitments I signed up for. The spring of that year, I decided to get a Little. I thought she would help me and I wanted to prove to everyone I could do it, that I WAS good enough. So I did, I got a Little Sister. She helped distract me further from what I was dealing with inside. She distracted me from the people in the organization who were hurting me. She helped me forget the distance between my Big and me. She helped me forget the hurtful things a friend close to me in the organization would say to me when I was vulnerable and struggling. She had no idea I was contemplating suicide, and she had no idea she was my motivation not to do it.
Things continued to get worse until I eventually told one of the only real people in my life what was going on. She ended up telling my dad what was happening, and it got so bad he had to pick me up from school one night. My apartment at school was a mess. I was tired. I had cutting scars on my arm. Everything felt wrong. I eventually admitted myself to the hospital, because I wanted to stop hurting the people who loved me. I wanted to feel like myself again, but I really forgot how to.
I had no idea what to expect after I admitted myself to the hospital, and I came out a different person. It became the first step I needed to make to find a happy me. The night I admitted myself to the hospital, I believed "she was with me" (the sorority). I wore my spirit jersey and it reminded me everything would be OK.
By then it was summer time. I had a long road ahead of me that summer, but the challenges and people I would meet would help me change into the person I was waiting for my entire life. During that process, I realized "the sorority" life was not for me.
After I was out of the hospital, I quickly enrolled into a partial program... followed by an intensive program which lasted the duration of the summer. In other words, I was in therapy from 30 and to eventually 6 hours a week the entire summer. It was not long into the summer until I found out people in my sorority told other members "I deserved to be treated poorly and without help" when I wanted to kill myself earlier last semester. It was not long until I found out a guy who used to try to get with me constantly told me about how my Big knew I was in the hospital for my depression. She still does not acknowledge me to this day - even when I see her at school. It was not long until that spirit jersey I wore in the hospital was held against me - accused of "not paying for it in a timely matter" long after I handed in the money for it and after speaking to the treasurer and president of the organization. It did not matter I wanted to kill myself. It did not matter I was in the hospital. It did not matter I was hurting - they wanted my money.
I decided to go inactive. I was very conflicted, but I felt I needed a break to decide whether the organization and the hurt feelings were all in my head or really happening. I was terrified to return back to school - just to see all of the people who hurt me so deeply.
As the semester went on, letting go of the sisterhood became easier and easier. Just when I thought things were getting easier, I was in for quite a surprise. I found out people used my story against me. It was not "OK" to share with others who asked me why I was not active this semester. Instead, people took advantage and told my Little I was talking **** on the sisterhood. My best friend in the organization replaced me with another girl in her pledge class. People come up to my Little and tell her how "bad they feel for her" - that I am not a better member of the organization... even though I gave up that obligation of utopia the moment I went inactive. It does not matter I still have a friendship with my Little. To everyone else, I am simply a "bad sister." I could continue and share the horrible things I have had to endure, but it is simply not worth the time and words on the page. The way I have been treated has proven to me over and over how catty and petty they are. We are not building each other up, they are doing what everyone thinks girls do already - competing to knock each other down.
My story is not the story of every sorority girl ever. Some people love their organization from day one until the end of time. My story is a little different, but I don't regret pledging in the first place. If I did not pledge... and if I did not hit rock bottom, I would not be the person I have changed and grown to be today. Although greek life has been something negative in my life, it opened doors which embraced who I am and made me realize parts of me I want to change. It helped me come to terms with my depression. It helped me realize how personally I take situations that are out of my control. It has made me stronger in so many ways. Ultimately, it taught me you can't pay money to make someone a real friend or "sister." It taught me real friends are beautiful and rare, and never ever take the genuine people in your life for granted. These are the people who will make you shine and achieve all your dreams - no matter what.
A sorority is not for me and the lifestyle I choose to live, but it does not mean I shun all people who love and adore their sororities. It simply is just not for me. It is not what makes me happy. It is not a place I enjoy spending my time anymore. I have one dear friend in the organization who probably saved my life while I was going through all of this - and I would never have met her unless I pledged in the first place. I also met my girlfriend - who is incredibly supportive and loving of what makes me happy and my decision to no longer be a part of the organization.
My advice to you is simply this, don't join a group of people to fill an empty void. Don't join a group of people to distract you. Dig deep into what is going on in your life. Yes, it will be scary. Yes, it will be worth it. By looking for something to take our pain away, we are taking away the potential gifts and purpose we all possess behind broken hearts. Embrace your journey for exactly where it is at this very moment. Nobody is perfect, and sometimes we have to learn deep, dramatic lessons in order to become the person we are truly meant to be. I hope this inspired or helped you in some way. Don't be afraid to share your story. You might just help someone struggling, or even change someone's life.
I may not be finished college yet, but that does not mean I have to spend time in organizations I no longer love or enjoy. I hope you do the same - and allow yourself to change and grow throughout your life - whether it is in college, a job, or with friends and family. Namaste everyone.
