We've all heard about the studies that show women apologize more than men for things they have no need to feel apologetic for. I always felt that it was true for other women, but not for myself, because I had prided myself on always having a strong conviction. However, it wasn't until more recently that I began to reflect on my own actions and realized I too had become part of this statistic.
Especially as I got older, I found myself apologizing more and more frequently. Apologizing so often made me feel more polite and it felt like I was doing the right thing. It wasn't until my mom started to yell at me for apologizing so much and for things that I had no reason to apologize for that I became aware of the habit. I tried to really think before apologizing after that, but even still I was apologizing for too many things.
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Once college came around, I pushed my worries about apologizing too often away and no longer focused on how frequently or what I was supposed to be feeling apologetic about. It didn't come back to the forefront of my mind until just a few months ago, when a previous article I had written started to gain popularity and shares. One reader commented that what I had written was not their cup of tea and the article hadn't lived up to their standards. I wrote a comment back apologizing for that and didn't think much of it, until I told someone else what had happened and they asked me why I was even apologizing for my own personal feelings and thoughts.
Their question definitely stumped me and I even tried to make excuses for why I had apologized. I didn't know exactly why I had even said I was sorry, but it had just felt like the natural thing to do. Why was I wasting so much energy and bending over backwards to seem less rude when I wasn't being rude in the first place?
I don't think this comes from a lack of strong women role models, because there are plenty examples in our own personal lives and within the media. However, we live in a culture that conditions even these strong, inspiring women use the phrase "I'm sorry." This is so prominent that Amy Schumer even did an entire sketch about it.
We need to start teaching our girls, and some boys, that they have every right to be assertive. There is no reason to apologize when we deserve and ask for a raise. There is no reason to apologize for wanting to be direct when talking to someone. There is no reason to apologize for wanting to get the respect we deserve and should automatically receive and not have to work as hard as we do to obtain it.
Ladies, it is time to start being unapologetic for being unapologetic and start living our lives with the freedom of not constantly being sorry.
