As a little girl, I was always more independent and "bossy." I wanted to be like the heroines I read about, like Black Widow from The Avengers and Annabeth from Percy Jackson. And as I got older, I became involved in women's advocacy and social justice. I became increasingly independent (to a fault), determined, and driven. I discovered my interest in business, marketing, and wanting to succeed. But I always relished in the "stereotypical girly playtime activities," like dress up and dolls, but I never played pretend house or family or wedding. Marriage was never a priority for me.
As my peers and I are preparing to begin college and the next steps in our lives, conversations concerning marriage, children, and careers have become more common. I have friends who want to find their spouse in college, beam at the idea of parenthood, and think it one of the most important things for them to accomplish before their death. But unlike them, I couldn't picture myself planning a lavish wedding with friends and family, being pregnant, and raising a child in the suburbs. All I imagined was making a legal commitment that should have been made upon the start of the relationship, putting my career on hold, and leaving behind a city life I had dreamed of. All I could think about was what a nightmare it would be to live a life for someone other than myself.
Let's be clear; I have respect for married couples and women and men eager to tie the knot with a loved one. By calling marriage pointless, I am not discrediting any person's love for one another. I believe in love. "True love" and "love at first sight" could be another discussion, but I believe in love and the power of love. I am simply saying that there is no reason, besides practicality, to get married.
Most married couples cite "love" or "to make a lifelong commitment" as their justification for marriage. But shouldn't you have love in the relationship regardless of a courthouse document? And an officiant, witnesses, and a ring don't make a commitment. Saying marriage is a "statement of a couple's love for one another" is no more valid. In fact, wouldn't two partners making statements or vows of their love for one another and making a lifelong commitment, without a legally binding certificate, be a greater declaration than marriage itself? I can understand financial, legal, tax, and other benefits, but even those can be cleared up through domestic partnerships and civil unions.
The idea of being legally committed to a partner, whom I should be able to commit to without a courthouse document, does not justify putting my career on hold for an extravagant wedding and honeymoon. Maybe I'm just selfish and want to live my own life. Maybe I'm scared of commitment. Maybe I'm part of a new generation abolishing the societal norm of marriage. Or maybe I'm just young, too independent for my own good, and I'll change my mind down the line (probably not though). But regardless of my reason to never say "I do" I think all of us, and the American divorce rate, would be better off if, before jumping onto the marriage bandwagon, we all considered… why?
