Most people love being in relationships and finding love, but it’s just not for me! True love is strong, kind, understanding, sweet and sensitive. It is finding out that your partner is your best friend. However, when it comes to my love life, I just don’t feel the way other men feel toward me. I get annoyed easily and am ready to give up. I have heard that opposites attract, but I would rather date somebody just like me. I want somebody to read my thoughts — really get to know me.
Maybe I’m not ready to mingle because I’m not confident. It’s not because nobody ever asks me out, because they do. It’s something deep within me. I almost feel broken, and I want to restore myself before I bring a man into my life. I want to be the best me that I can be. I want to get my bachelor’s degree before I enter into any committed relationship.
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Waiting is kind of hard for me because I’m a real touchy-feely, outgoing, positive person. So, I find myself always getting involved with somebody, then going through the first stage of liking him. Next, I have to cut it off, because I’m just not ready for love. It is a beautiful thing, but something that frightens me. I’m just scared to love, scared to show somebody the real me and give him my all. That’s why in the stages of liking I try to stop at the first one. There are multiple stages of liking someone:
- Initial attraction
- Feel his vibe
- Like his vibe
- Enjoy his company
- Want to be around him all the time
- Can’t be without him
- Like him
- Date each other
- Resolve disagreements
- Comfortable around him
- Truly have an understanding with him
- Love him
- Explore new things with him
- In love with him
All these stages provide a different adventure. I’ve learned that happiness comes from within. I want to date — but nothing serious. Then I remember reading my Bible and listening to sermons where I read or heard you shouldn’t date if you don’t see yourself marrying that person. What I got from that message was: Don’t be shallow or frivolous when you date. Choose someone you might have a future with. I find myself getting close with a lot of guys, but I try not to lead them on.
So what’s next for me? I’ve thought about it long and hard. Before I bring somebody else into my confusing life, I’m going to work on me a little bit more. I want to make my relationship with God stronger. I want to be spiritually, emotionally, financially and physically ready when I get ready to start dating again. I want to be able to be happy that I’m finally ready to take that step again. I think most people in relationships are not even happy. When I start the process, I want it to be natural for him to find me. When I become involved in my next relationship, I want it to be my last. I’m sick of one-month relationships. People might ask me why I don’t want to be in a relationship. The answer is quite simple: I’m waiting on my time for happiness and forever.
