Going into high school there’s always a few thoughts that run through every fourteen-year-old girl’s mind. What will it take for me to be popular? Will the captain of the football team like me? If i join this club will I be an outcast? If I become a cheerleader will I be popular? If you’re asking yourself ‘Why is this girl writing about this?' or 'What does she know is going through my head?’ the answer to your questions is because just seven short years ago I was in the same position. Throughout middle school I was trying to find myself, during the 8th grade I found myself at an extreme phase of not caring what people thought about me, so I dressed in goth apparel. I’m talking full out black nails, fishnet stockings, lipstick. Basically if I saw black in the store I had to have it. I was voted most unique in my yearbook and that photo still haunts me to this day. That was the turning point in my mind, I started to care what people thought of me. Being bullied and teased every day that year made me want to change who I was; hide in a new persona. The summer going into my freshman year of high school I made the decision to join the cheerleading squad and my high school. I thought that it would make me popular, in every movie or tv show I had ever watched the girls on the cheerleading squad were always the ones that were popular and got all the attention. I thought that my reputation would be changed from “goth loser” to “popular” based on me simply being on the cheerleading squad.
As the school year started I dulled down my love for black and tried to dress more “cute”. School started and people noticed that I wasn’t my usual self. However, they didn’t treat me any differently. It was only the first day back to school though, they just don’t know that I joined the cheerleading squad it’ll be different when they see i’m on the team. A couple of days went by, then a couple of weeks, and still no change. Getting so aggravated I decided my wardrobe needed enhancing one more time. I started wearing less and getting noticed more, but not for the right reasons. The boys started talking to me, I even got a boyfriend.
As time went on I began getting more and more stressed out about everything that high school had been throwing my way. Still not popular I started to wonder what it was that could possibly be holding me back from becoming popular. Taking a look at all the people who were popular I noticed that they were all similar, they were all fit, skinny, ditsy and dressed a certain way. I told myself that this must have been the reason why I still wasn’t popular. So to make my chances of becoming popular I began some unhealthy habits to help me achieve this “perfect popular girl look”. I began starving myself, and when I did eat I would feel terrible about it until I got it out of my system. As I continued this behavior I started seeing results, and apparently so did others.
Days and weeks went by and people stopped noticing me, I still wasn’t popular, the only difference was that I didn’t care anymore. For the first time that entire year I didn’t care what people thought about me, I was able to be me again. Of course I was still a little dulled down from who I was the year prior but I was back to acting like myself, not caring what people thought of me or how I acted. The realization finally hit me when I realized how much fun I had when I was being myself with my friends who weren’t “popular”.
It’s now 7 years later and here I am, the same person I was the whole time. Once I stopped pretending to be who everyone else wanted me to be and focused on who I wanted to be I accomplished so much. Now I am in college working towards a successful career as a psychiatrist, and working my butt off. Looking back on everything that happened in high school I realize that none of it mattered. Popularity, relationships, being a “perfect person”. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them, and I hope that any girl going into high school or any girl in high school can take something from this and apply it to their own life. Life is too short to pretend to be something or someone that you’re not. Live it to the fullest and be true to who you are at heart.
