An open letter to the man who will one day love me.
Hello,
It's me. I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet. *cue Adele song*
I don't know who you are yet, but one day I hope this letter finds you. I don't doubt that you're out there, because if God is calling me to marriage, you exist. However, my life doesn't start the moment I meet you. It started the moment I was conceived, same as you. You're out there somewhere, living your life, hopefully to the full. All we have is this one life to give, and so I'm not going to wait around for you to enter my life before I start living mine. I hope you're doing the same. I'm learning a lot about who I am, where I've been, and who I want to be. I want to be a woman of faith, of hope, of laughter and love. I want to see God's hand guiding me along the path of life. I want to know He's calling us together. If it's not His will, I don't want to be with you.
I wonder sometimes if I've met you yet. Have we crossed paths on the street, do I see you when I go out with friends, are you nearby praying in Church? Do you ever think of me? What will our story be like, will God call us to get married? How and when will we know? This is certainly an exercise in patience, and trust in God.
There are certain qualities of the kind of man I want you to be, but there's one thing that's most important: your love of God. After all, God is the Author of everyone's love story. He's the Matchmaker, and I truly only want to be with you if we're a match made in Heaven.
Picture yourself walking along a path. Looking straight ahead, you keep your eyes fixed on the Lord and keep stepping forward. Now look beside you. There's another path, with a woman walking along it. However, if you step over to her path, you lose focus. You're no longer focusing on God. You get distracted and lose direction. As much as you may want to join her path, you have to stay on your own. Trust God, keep following Him. He will lead you where you are meant to be. And, one day, when the time is right, God will converge your path with the right woman.
This is how I want our lives to look. Both focused solely on the Lord, committing our lives to Him. Waiting, trusting in His perfect timing. Living each day we're given for His greater glory. If we're called to marriage, when God sees fit, He will converge our paths, and we will serve Him alongside each other.
You will never be my Number One. That spot is permanently taken by God. I don't ever want to be your Number One, either. That spot belongs to God. I want you to love Him most. I know you'll love me for me, but I also want you to love Him through me. And I promise to strive to do the same, always loving God first and foremost. I know you're human; I am too. We'll both mess up. But I want God to allow us to love one another. After all, marriage is about loving the imperfect person God has created for us to love - a love designed by He who is perfect.
My heart is in His hands. As Maya Angelou once said, "a woman's heart must be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him to find her." I want us to find each other, but only if God so desires. His will, not ours. His desires, not ours. Pray that God might purify your desires, and let Him lead you where He wants you. Don't be afraid to say "yes" to whatever He asks of you. Pray the "Be Satisfied With Me" prayer by St. Anthony of Padua. Stay on your path, keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.
I'm praying for you.
Courtney
