On my way home this weekend from (yet another) tournament, I was cruising down 95 avoiding other people who drive as badly as I do, or so my guy friends joke, and I got to thinking about my beloved and non-negotiable bro-time and the (sometimes) awesome male friends I have. I've been lucky to find some great Y-chromosome buds to round out my collection of fellow human specimens and a thought I've never had wiggled into my gray matter: why do we say "just friends?"
During the last couple weekends, I've jokingly served as a traveling companion, restringing heads, carrying gear and providing entertainment for the many hours on the road and between games. The guys on his team recognize my face now and yell, "Coach, your girlfriend is here!" I'm sure a lot of people who see us drive up together or wander off to get food assume that. Some of the ones on the older team think we're siblings or cousins because we look alike. Another coach said he couldn't tell if we're friends or dating from the way we snipe at each other. We chuckled and walked away.
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Why do we feel the need to add that little word onto the front or justify it? Why do I have to tell strangers and other friends, "This is R. We're just friends." Have I ever cared what relational status someone thought I shared with another person? When you have friends of varying attractiveness, is it that you feel the need to either express "He's great to look at so you'll probably assume I want to jump him/that we actually are doing so, but we're not" or "Oh no, please don't think I'd ever date someone this hideous?"
Why does it matter explaining what you are with someone? You can't really have a relationship in the way that you hold tangible things. So it boils down to marking territory. When you're quick to say you're more than friends, it's either to impress others or warn them away from what you consider yours. And when you immediately follow up their name with "not my boyfriend/girlfriend," you're basically saying, "Nah, it's cool if someone else wants to take a stab at them."
What's wrong with a friend? Nothing. I have a male friend who is a great person and I deeply enjoy my time with him. We mutually decided awhile ago that we don't want to be anything but friends, which I don't have any problem with as I think we'd make a terrible couple. He has always been patient with me, respectful and generous. When we'd go out on friend dates, as I nicknamed them, people often assumed we were a couple. Maybe it was because he'd insist on paying for dinner; maybe it was because we walked closely side-by-side and he'd give me his jacket if he thought I was cold. It could have been that I looked at him too adoringly. There was a time where he leaned in over dinner and quietly requested that I use him as a benchmark for how I should be treated and not date any guy who didn't reach the standards he had been setting for me.
I can think of a few guys in particular that treat me well and provide many laughs but that doesn't guarantee a relationship or that you'd want one. Sometimes it's simple in that the distance is too great or you work together and don't want to mess with that so the decision is already made for you. I'll never leave Friendville with some of the bros and that's fine. I love my friends, male and female, but I've also never even thought about introducing another girl as just my friend because it's an N/A, at least in my life. I'm also just as protective of the guys when they look for a romantic partner as vice versa, fussing over me when I come back to them with hurt feelings. They tell me when a guy I'm seeing is a jerk and not looking for anything good because they honestly care about me, regardless of title, and that makes me proud to say they're my friend, not "just a friend."
