Summer is supposed to be stress free. I mean, we literally. just. finished. school. You would think that there would be at least a three weeklong grace period where we are allowed to not have a constant, ongoing heart attack. BUT ALAS, the stress of newfound adulthood continues to plague our terrified child bodies in a new form completely unrelated to grades and coursework: internships. If you have one, you’re probably walking on eggshells 25/8 and if you don’t, you probably feel the need to whip yourself because every adult, even ones you DON’T EVEN KNOW make sure to make you feel like a worthless sack of s**t.

I happen to be on the worthless sack of s**t side because I literally have no idea how to go about such a process. I am the first Raffaele to go through college completely, so not only was that new for everyone, but my family also owns a carpentry business meaning no Raffaele before me has had to job hunt. This territory is completely uncharted in all aspects, so basically someone please call the police.

Believe me though, I have tried to dip my pinky toes into the internship pool, and was ~graciously~ shot down in a very professional manner. The most traumatizing moment of my young adult life occurred after my marketing class, when a guest speaker for an advertising agency said that if we were interested in an internship, we should find her after class and talk to her. My body was ready. I was feeling empowered. It was time to #levelup.

Class ended and I essentially stalked her down the stairs and out the door until I gained enough confidence to address her. I introduced myself, told her my major, and was feeling good until she asked me the dreaded question. “What experience do you have in the advertising field?” Boi what. I thought internships were about gaining experience?? Am I supposed to roll in TO MY INTERNSHIP with experience so I can gain MORE experience for when I roll into my job?? I got very sweaty, gave a reply along the lines of, “I have no experience, I am sorry,” and sprinted away.

Since then, I have been mentally scarred. And coming home for the summer didn’t make things any better. My aunt was the first one to address my failures, stating, “You’re nannying for another summer, what about an internship?” “GRL LIFE IS HARDER THAN IT WAS IN THE 1800’s get off my back,” is what I should’ve said, instead I apologized and internally died 45 times over. Hopefully, things will turn around by next year because if I don’t have an internship by then, I am literally dropping out of school to become a professional bodybuilder.

As I look back over this article, I am realizing that this is basically a diary entry, but I hope it’s a helpful one. Because for those of you out there that also get verbally assaulted by adult relatives because getting an internship is secretly hard, (especially with no guidance), I feel for you, we can internally cry together.