I know what many of you are thinking-—this girl is either a sociopath, sarcastic or straight psychotic. But that’s not the case. Instead, I am just that SICK of men and their mayhem. Like seriously, y'all are so exhausting and, from what I’ve seen, SO not worth it.

So, without further adieu, I present to you my very descriptive and specific list of all things I’d rather do than waste another ounce of energy on a boy.

1. Take a papercut to the tongue

Yeah, that’s the level I’m on.

2. Have five eyelashes fall out in one night

Even imaging such a catastrophe brings tears to my eyes, but I’d rather take losing a clump than hanging with these chumps.

3. Have my grandma go through all my memories on Snapchat

Let’s just say, Grandma would never be offering me cookies again.

4. Sport the same cut I was rockin' in fifth grade

To put this in perspective, I was not one of the ten-year-olds that wore candy flavored lip-gloss and had a boyfriend. No, I was the little girl everyone was calling a boy.

5. Advertise myself as a SoundCloud rapper on all of my social media platforms

...we all know that one guy. If you don’t, consider yourself lucky.

6. Be an Ohio State fan

I’ll be honest, I pay zero attention to college football and didn’t even attend any of my own school’s football games (go Badgers!!), but if there is one thing I know about the renowned game of college football, it's that you should not like Ohio State. Bad. I hate them. Just don’t ask me why.

7. Stub my toe on the edge of a bed

Ah, the pain of smashing your foot on a metal rod. Still more appealing than trying to be “smashed” by these boys.

But of course...this is only to name a few. I’m sure as I continue my adventure with dating, I will have a much stronger and longer list. Stay tuned.