What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the word crazy? Girls, right? In this day and age, if you care more than the person you're with, you're automatically crazy. We walk on eggshells; always trying to figure out if we are caring too much or just caring enough. Guys have us thinking that having actual human feelings is a character flaw and we worry constantly about being stigmatized as the "crazy girlfriend" or better yet, the “crazy girl they’re talking to” (because who actually dates people anymore)? But in fact we’re not all crazy. And we need to stop labeling ourselves as crazy for having feelings or expressing dislike when our partner does something we’re not thrilled with. Having emotions doesn’t make you crazy; it makes you human.

I found that when my ex and I ended our long-term relationship, I would tell people that I was batshit crazy, as I like to call it. I would warn potential new love interests to proceed with caution and told my friends that I would never find love again because I was psycho. And most of my friends agreed; I was crazy. What I realized after a few months of self-reflecting and talking to family was that I’m not actually crazy. I love deeply and care passionately, but that’s not something to be ashamed about, and it certainly doesn’t qualify me to be locked away in a loony bin. But labeling myself as such was driving guys away and making them see me as someone who was not able to receive or give love. And honestly, what guy wants to enter into anything with someone who calls herself crazy? I’ll tell you, no one.

What it really boils down to is that my relationship was unhealthy and crazy-not me. In the aftermath of breaking up, I thought a lot about my relationship. I started to feel guilty for having emotions and legitimate reactions to situations, thinking that maybe if I had reacted differently we could have worked things out. I think that every girl can relate to looking back on certain instances in her relationship and thinking “OMG did I really need to react like that? I’m so dramatic”. And we quickly link that to being psycho. In reality, it’s not. Everyone is entitled to his or her own reactions, and in the moment, that’s how I was feeling. It’s totally OK to freak out because your boyfriend blew you off for his friends again, even after he promised to take you to dinner. Just like it’s okay to cry because you’re so happy that he brought you your favorite flowers. Regardless of the situation or the reaction you have, it’s fine because it’s yours to have. I gave 150% in my relationship and my reactions matched my effort. It would have been unfair to myself to hold feelings in, or act like things didn’t bother me when they did.

The bottom line is only guys who aren’t mature or ready to settle down with a woman will make you feel like you’re crazy. And honestly, is that the type of man you want in your life to begin with? A man who you’re with should want you to be protective over him or show him how you’re feeling. He should reassure you that you have nothing to worry about, but encourage you to feel however you are and work with you through those emotions. We’re not crazy. We have emotions, sometimes a lot of them. But in my mind, feelings and the ability to care deeply for people can never be a flaw. Do you know what is crazy though? Pretending you don’t feel the way you do to please a man. So ladies, stop telling people that you’re crazy. You’re not unstable or ready to jump off a cliff; you’re human and the right man will know the difference.