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"I Don't Care"

But I'm exhausted from pretending not to care.

May 02, 2016

"Whatever, that's fine," I shrugged nonchalantly, brushing off the pang I felt in my heart when he told me this just wasn't going to work out.

"It's all right, it wasn't that important," I replied to my friend's condolences after not getting a job I wanted so badly.

"I don't care," I lied, like every other time before when I might actually have had to admit I felt something other than casual indifference.

Social media bombards us constantly with the message that it's cool not to care. It's better to act hardened, unmoved by anything from what we should have for dinner, to how my day was, to having my heart broken. So I constantly find myself pretending to be stronger, smarter, prettier, more perfect, than I am. And of course I want to be the person who is tough or independent or just too cool, or any of the other characteristics society worships, and sometimes I am that person. A lot of the time, however, I'm not genuinely 'that person', but I'm not allowed to say that am I? Society tells me I need to be cold and indestructible and absolutely nothing else. So I am. I am uninterested and completely untouched by anything that could resemble an extreme emotion. So why is it that today's society refuses to admit that we're anything less than invincible?

I'm not the person society wants me to be. I am fragile, sentimental, curious, gentle, passionate and alive. And because I'm alive, I'm going to do what living people do and feel, whether agony or adoration or any other emotion. I want to dance when the sun is bright and warm on my face. I want to cry without shame when my heart is heavy. I want to scream from a rooftop when I'm so angry that I can't think. I want to hug everyone I meet and let them know they are loved. I want to feel life so fully I feel like I could burst.

I'm tired of living like I don't care. Because I do. I do care.

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"I Don't Care"

But I'm exhausted from pretending not to care.

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We don't buy into these... just like how we don't buy our friends.

8. "The whole philanthropy thing isn't real, right?"

7. "I don't need to buy my friends."

6. "Oh, so I'll bet you love to drink."

5. "Can you tell me some of your secrets?"

4. "What do you do at your meetings?"

3. "Do you guys haze really badly?"

2. "Is it just like in the movies?"

1. "Sororities are so basic."

There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

1. You get excited when the parents purchase season passes to the pool.

2. You've become friends with the stay-at-home moms in town.

3. You get a chance to eat "kid foods" again.

4. You've traded in your cute purse for a large tote bag.

5. You have at least one car seat in your backseat.

6. Their nap time is your happy time.

7. Lunch time can be a disaster.

8. You have to play the same board games repeatedly.

9. You catch yourself using the same lines your parents once told you.

10. Your "mom-mode" kicks in at times.

11. Your heart melts a little when they do something cute.

You'll never find any souvenirs with your name on it

1. You know you are up next when the teacher pauses while taking attendance

2. When “I’m going to do my very best to make sure I know all your names” is said, it may or may be an empty promise

3. “Wow! That sounds so cool! Where is your family from?”

4. You dread when people ask you to repeat your name over and over because it “sounds so cool when you say it”

5. There’s a 50/50 chance that your name will come back either correct or incorrect at Starbucks

6. People try to find shorter, easier nicknames for you instead of calling you by your actual name

7. When someone famous or fictional character shares your name, you get so happy

8. “What’s your name?” “It’s [name]” “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

9. You’ve pretty much seen every misspelling and heard every mispronunciation of your name throughout your life

10. When you find another person with an “ethnic” sounding name, you both get excited

11. Despite the struggles, your name is pretty unique… just like you

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Don't Be That Person

1. “Oh, so you/your family are immigrants!”

2. “Is Puerto Rico near Mexico?”

3. “Do you speak Puerto Rican?”

4. “You look too light/dark to be Puerto Rican.”

5. “Do I need my passport to go to Puerto Rico?”

6. “Geez, you are obsessed with your flag. We get it, you’re Puerto Rican.”

7. “Why are you so loud?”

8. “So does your family know English?”

9. “Oh my god, Puerto Ricans are so spicy.”

10. “So did you eat a lot of tacos?”

11. “Are you Mexican?”

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