For many years now, I've struggled with something that a lot of people don't think much about. Starting around 8th grade, I ate away at my emotions. Who needs sadness when you have pizza, right? Conflict at home only made my losing battle with food worse. The next thing I know I went from squatting 215 pounds my freshman year to weighing over 215 pounds my senior year. It wasn't until my freshman year of college I started losing weight. I lost about 20-30 pounds my first semester and maintained that during the holidays and my second semester. I would run at night time often. Ten or eleven would be my favorite times to start an hour walk/jog/run. People thought I was crazy. "Taylor, you stupid? You're gonna get freaking mugged or something." I also heard, "Okay, have fun, don't die." My personal favorite was "This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of."
Regardless, I started slow and built up more endurance and started sprinting. In sports I hated running but making myself run was different. One of the first sprints I did almost made me cry. It wasn't because I was in pain. It was because I missed out on something awesome all these years. Making my body move so fast down the dimly lit roads made me feel so alive. All I wanted to do was run faster for longer, but I had to pace myself in my training or else I would get shin splints again - miserable, horrible, awful shin splints. I'd post it on Snapchat, not to brag, but to keep myself accountable. If people knew I was running at night and saw that I stopped posting I would be asked if I was still running at night.
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This summer I've only gone for a jog maybe twice. I was so frustrated last time I ran because I didn't have as much strength. I think it's really sweet but rather annoying that my family has told me that I don't have to change myself for anyone else. "What others think of your body shouldn't matter." I want to be sarcastic and say, "Well, gee, thanks, Disney! No kidding." I know that they meant it with the best intentions, but I don't think it was understood who I'm doing this for. Disney taught me all sorts of lessons on not changing for other people but this is different. How often does Disney portray weight as an issue? Don't misunderstand, Disney has done at least some to show that weight and looks aren't all to a person. The point is, I'm not doing this for you or anyone else. I want to be healthy for me. I want to walk up flights of stairs and not be winded at the top. I want to sprint across campus just to barely make it in time for class. I want to run farther than ever with more ease and joy. I want to give someone a high five and not receive the comment "oh your hand is really warm."
No kidding, I've got a lot of insulation on me and it's gonna take a long time for me to work this off. No one has to tell me "wow, your hands are really sweaty." I know my body. I know what I've been through and I'm going to get in shape and be confident about what I look like for me because I love myself. It's not about what others think for the most part. Of course, what people say and think will always be tucked in the back of my mind when I'm sweating my butt off wearing a weight vest while running at stupid late times of night. Every joke on my body I receive is going to hurt obviously, but I have hope and I've determined that they're going to eat their words one day soon. Other people have themselves to worry about so I'm just gonna worry about me. Bottom line: I'm not changing me for you.
