Do you ever sit and think I am not good enough. Sometimes, and you can call me a sinner and a terrible person all day long, and that is OK. I get scared opening my Bible. I get scared of coming to God. Maybe it is just me, and if it is that is OK, too, but I do. I feel like sometimes I open it up I get scared and frightened or freaked out or God condemns someone or Jesus says all of these rules or I fear I am not good enough.

I don't know why, but sometimes even during prayer, I pray and then think in my head, what if I'm not even talking to the right guy. Or what if I am just talking to myself. Or what if this is all wrong. And then it's got me praying for a whole new set of things. Am I right?

What verse should we go to for this?

"He replied, 'Because you have so little faith. Truly, I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to that mountain 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible." Matthew 17:20

This is an endless cycle for me. And one night I was really done with. I mean I was about to throw my bible out of the window done. I was about to really stop, and just "take a break" for a little while. Do my own thing, be my own person. Just stop for a little bit. Because I felt like I was going in circles. And then I tried one more time. I tried. I prayed before I opened my Bible, I said Lord, show me you.

And wouldn't you know I got just as terrified again. Even more than usual.

What verse should we go to for this?

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." John 14:1-4

Why? WHY? Well, I figured it out. And I really feel like it's going to help people. Call me crazy. The Bible seems scary because we have a scary view of God. Nailed it. Right? Now, really think. Really look at yourself. Be honest. It's hard to do that. We have a scary view of God. God is, in my head, easily turned into a judge that I go to when I mess up a little too much, say a few more choice words than normal, not talk to that girl that I should have talked to because I know she needs a friend, but I don't want to be that. When I do not feel perfect. When I know that I have messed up enough that God needs to know. You know?

That's when I go to Him. When things are not going the way I want them too, or when I feel too bad.

How easy as it still even as a Christian that our view of God can be so easily changed depending on what mood we are in. I go to God scared because I feel shame when I know that devotionals have not been keeping up. Or when church is not a regular thing, or maybe I have not been praying to Him as much. And that is usually when I open up my Bible. And that is when I go to him. And pray, and ask forgiveness. And why in the world do you think I am terrified? Well, I have a good guess. I'm terrified because I don't even know the guy that I am talking to. Right? We get bat-crap crazy when things are going bad. Can't find a roommate? God, you suck, you don't care about me and you never will. Boyfriend breaks up with you? Where are you *quote* God? You're nowhere. That's where. Girlfriend cheats on you? Yeah, this is punishment because I cheated on that quiz last week.

What verse should we go to for this?

"You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain." — Psalm 139: 1-6

We are stuck in this never-ending cycle of thinking God is sometimes nice and sometimes mean, sometimes forgiving and sometimes not. And dang it, that just isn't freaking right. God literally fights for us each and every day. Don't believe me? Who woke you up this morning. It was not your alarm clock. Every breath you take is a breath God is giving you saying, "I am not done with you yet, stay with me, hear me."

What verse should we go to for this?

"So we can confidently say, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?'" Hebrews 13:6

God isn't scary.

How do we know?

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him." — 1 John 3:1

God is hurting with you when you are hurting.

How do we know?

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." — Psalm 34:18

God is fighting with you when you are fighting.

Again, look at the Bible.

"The Lord fights for you, you need only be silent." — Exodus 14:14

God is saying, "Delaney, it's OK, I am here, it's OK."

God is ecstatic if you are loving life, he isn't mad that you love it. He freaking gave it to you. God is sitting back going, she is enjoying the goodness of what is here. She is looking through the sin she is committing and finding me in the rubble. God is saying, "Enjoy it, Enjoy me through it."

Y'all, it's OK to get involved in the world. It is OK to find your people, your husband or wife, your dream job. God gives us those things. It is OK to see those things, and think, "I love this life."

But,

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God." — Romans 12:2

Just don't be in love with it. Love it, but Love God more. See God through it. It isn't changing your priorities to Him, or getting rid of those good things. It is asking him to come through them. To shine His light in them. It isn't a bad thing to want to get engaged. To have a guy get down on one knee and propose. Preferably with a photographer and a making sure your nails are done. It is OK to want to get married, have kids, a farmhouse, and a gorgeous wedding. It isn't wrong to want a white, sweetheart dress and a rose gold ring with a white diamond in the middle and little diamonds on the side, but not around the big diamond and just dainty enough that your hand looks small and cute in it (I definitely have not thought this through). You can laugh now, it's fine.

It is OK to dream about these things.

But bring God through them.

How?

"... but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." — Isaiah 40:31

Find God in them. Have hope in Him. Bring Him into every daily aspect of your life. Give it a week, a month, honestly, an hour. And you will feel his presence more than you ever have. You are good enough. Why? Because He loves you. And if He loves you, then obviously that pretty dang good enough. He's there. Bring him out. Tell him how wonderful he is for giving you these ideas, these wants. It is His ideas anyways. And then look at your Bible. Read through it. And search out where his thoughts and your thoughts come together. Where He can be placed in Your life now. He's not that scary. He's not ashamed. He loves you. He made you inside and out. He knows you already, knows your sin, your shame, your ugly, and still decided He loved you enough to pay the ultimate sacrifice. He died. For us. For you.

"We despised him and rejected him;
he endured suffering and pain.
No one would even look at him —
we ignored him as if he were nothing.
"But he endured the suffering that should have been ours,
the pain that we should have borne.
All the while we thought that his suffering
was punishment sent by God.
But because of our sins he was wounded,
beaten because of the evil we did.
We are healed by the punishment he suffered,
made whole by the blows he received." — Isaiah 53:3-5