It's normal to feel sad or be so low that it feels like you'll never come out of it. That's how J.K. Rowling came up with the Dementors for Harry Potter, and look where she is now. Obviously, that kind of success isn't the norm, but it's still uplifting to know that things get better. Especially being told that chocolate is totally a viable solution to sadness (it's even been scientifically proven to be better than kissing).
Depression is a little difficult to deal with. It's a mood disorder and people with this trouble can't just pull themselves out of it, especially not on their own. There are multiple causes of depression, and some of them originate with differences in brain structure. People with a history of depression have been found to have a smaller hippocampus, the part of the brain that stores memories, or thyroid disease, a hormone that acts as a neurotransmitter and regulates serotonin levels (which affects moods, appetite and behavior), or any other number of reasons. It's a chemical imbalance and medication and seeking professional help does alleviate some of the problems, but sometimes people don't seek that kind of help.
Other times it will stem from major things in a person's life, like lack of familial support or a significant other leaving or abuse. Maybe it's a combination of a bunch of factors, and life seems kind of hopeless and like there's no one there who cares or they don't understand. To anyone reading this who has felt like that or currently feels like that: you're wrong.
I had a roommate who dealt with depression, and she had a bad night and I had to take a walk to clear my head and keep myself together. Somehow we had gotten to talking about one of my other best friends who lives in a different state, and suddenly she was freaking out about a hypothetical situation and I felt like I was being told to choose between the two of them on top of other problems that day. I got back and she was worried about me and pressed me to talk to her about what was rattling around in my head and I finally told her. I felt that being told to choose a friend wasn't fair, I was having issues with the stress of my job, and that I felt like I couldn't go to her with my problems because one of us had to hold it together. The next morning, I woke up to three index cards on my keychain before I left for class.
One said, "I am your best friend. I am here for your secrets and tears. I am here for your breakups and f*ckups. I am your best friend. Not your daughter. Not your everyday responsibility. I am your best friend. Not your only one. But another one. I am your best friend and I love you."
Another read, "I am not always okay. That's OK. Sometimes I cry. That's OK. Your job is not to fix me. OK? Your job is not to mother me. OK? I am not always okay. You are not always okay. And that is all okay. Because it is okay to not be okay."
And that applies to so many other people too. She and I needed to remind each other that friends are there no matter what and that we can depend on each other, and communicating when there is something wrong is an important part of that. If you are struggling in life, talk to someone.
My dad has told me, I don't know how many times, that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Nothing is ever so bad in your life that you should end it. I don't want that sentence to belittle anything you or someone you know may have going on in life, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel may just be longer than you want or you may have sunglasses on and not realize better times are right in front of you. There are always people that would miss you if you took your life. Family, friends, coworkers. That image at the top of this post is a life story summarized in a few words. If they had given in to their thoughts, they would not have the beautiful life that they now lead.
Not everyone knows how to handle these feelings or the people who are struggling with these problems, and that's okay. There are too many different avenues and resources available for there to only be one way out of the deep end. So many people feel the same thing. It's like being in a dark room where everyone is quiet, so they think they're the only person there, but in reality they're surrounded by people just like them.
Everyone is a walking story. No one knows what is inside until that person opens up to share their piece. Life is just one big plotline that we can't even begin to predict.
"We're all background character's in somebody else's story." Thank you, Reddit, for putting that one in perspective. You never know what someone else is going through, but you can't compare your problems with someone else's because we all handle different problems in different ways. I used to not like telling a friend what I was having issues dealing with because I felt like my problems were minuscule compared to his. I couldn't help but think, "If that's what he has going on, what on earth should I be upset about?" It's all about perspective. And then he told me that I shouldn't be comparing my problems to his because we're different people with different lives and that what I had to deal with wasn't any less important than his. He reminded me that just because his problems seemed bigger and worse than mine didn't mean they were and that I couldn't talk about whatever I had going on. Size of an issue doesn't matter, it's how you handle it and there are always going to be people around you willing to help.
Sometimes you just need to take a step back, breathe deeply and be still.
