I was always under the impression that with time came healing. However, quickly approaching on the second anniversary of my Grandfather's passing, I haven’t found much comfort in that phrase. The truth is, with time has just come more hurting. Hurt over how I am beginning to forget what my Grandpa’s voice sounded like, hurt over how he missed my graduation from High School and start of college. I am feeling hurt over how I am starting to forget those little mannerisms he used to have and how I will never have those private conversations with him ever again.
As I sit on this plane, suddenly overcome with emotion because I realize what special date this week ahead holds, I realize how lucky I am. Time passing may not have made that loss any less powerful or any less painful, but it did make me realize how blessed I was to have someone in my life who mattered so much and cared so deeply. Even though my Grandfather may not be here physically in person, I refuse to believe he has left me completely. The memories and stories I have with him help me get through so many of my worst and my best days. When I have a bad day, I think about the time my Grandfather wandered into my room at 4am in his boxers looking for my mom and I laugh. When I have a good day, I think about how we used to talk together for hours and how he was always so genuinely interested in what I was doing even though he had so much going on in his own life.
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When I won class president my senior year or when I walked across that stage and received my high school diploma, I smiled. I smiled because my Grandfather was the type of man to celebrate everyone's accomplishments as if they were his own. I know that even though he wasn’t able to sit in the stands while I walked across that stage in my cap and gown, he was still proud of me and in some ways he was still there.
With time comes the creation of new memories and sometimes the forgetting of old. While two years have passed and that still is not nearly enough time for me to get through March 23rd without thinking of my Grandpa, I would never want it to. He was a man worth missing and one that I know I will miss for the rest of my life. I will continue to think about him on my worst day and on my best day. Even though I may no longer be able to hear his voice in my head as clearly or remember every mannerism he had, no amount of time will ever make me forget him and the person he always encouraged me to be. So the answer is no, with time does not always come healing but I am filled with comfort to know I have an angel as great as my Grandfather looking over me everyday.
