I have had many rough relationships in the past. A few cheated, a lot lied, and so many broke promises. I'm not going to discuss names or who did what but I do know that a lot of stuff goes unnoticed and not talked about in relationships. One one those things is abuse and not all abuse is physical either.

When you are abused, you really don't know it is happening until you know it is happening. Now, I know that is kind of confusing but its so true. Each time I was emotionally, or verbally, abused I did not know it at first until either someone told me or until I had enough and tried standing up for myself. Only in those moments did I actually realize it.

There are a few things to remember when you go through these things as well. One of those things is that you are not alone. I know that when I went through this stuff I thought I was. I didn't know if I could go to the people I know and love because I did not think that they would understand what I am going through but the truth is, is that even if they do not know exactly what it feels like, they are here to help. These loved ones can vary from person to person. For me, it was my friends and family.

Going through abuse is hard. You loose contact with a lot of friends, you don't talk to your family much and you just become away from the world. When that happens, you have to realize that the people that you want near you are the ones that will help you through it or the ones that will understand and that will continue talking to you after.

Now, verbal abuse can mean many things from name calling, to belittling, to deliberately ignoring, to even meaningless fights just to crawl under your skin. These aren't the only ways either. I, for one, have had all of these and more from different partners and if you guys are reading this and feel guilty then it was probably you.

One thing I regret is letting them do it. I let them get away with it at first so when I actually got the guts to stand up for myself, it got worse and I couldn't stop it from happening.

There are many times where I stayed in the relationship only because I felt like it was my fault and if you're reading this and thinking you are at fault, YOU AREN'T. They are the ones who are doing this to you. You are not. Yes, you stay. Yes, you let it happen but a relationship isn't supposed to be this hard.

To this day I will stand up for the ones who did this to me if someone downs them even if I havent talked to them in years solely because I feel obligated too. Throughout the relationships I would hear my friends and family trying to tell me what they are doing to me and I would stick up for my significant other always saying "he's like this because.." or "no, he really isn't like this usually" but unreality they are.

Now they weren't always bad either (here I go standing up for them). They were the ones that snuck up on me and made me feel like the only girl in the world at first just to abuse me later. Maybe that's why I let it happen. I hold onto what used to be instead of what is infant of me at the moment.

I chose to share this because I know that abuse is actually very common but a lot of people do not know it is happening or they do not know how to stop it.

I know it is hard. I know you love the person and are scared they might do something worse or think nothing will ever get better so why not stay, but things will get better and they can't hurt you if you are safe.

Get help. You can't go through this alone. You need that support system of friends or family. Even if you shut them out or cut them out of your life because of all of this, they will understand if they are the right people for you and they will want to help make you healthy again.

It's going to hurt. If you are like me, then you stayed in the relationship for way to long breaking up with them and leaving is going to hurt now but it will be so much better for you in the future.

You need this. You need to be able to feel safe and fell loved again. Relationships should not be you walking on eggshells just to not get yelled at. Relationship should not be you giving 200% where the other gives 5% simply because you are trying to please the other person so that you do not get the abuse later. A relationship should be easy. A relationship between two people in love should be best friends just hanging out together all the time.

Good luck. You can do this. I believe in you.