I seem to be in a constant battle with loving my new life of freedom and independence while missing the simplicity of my life back home with my family.
After my freshman year of college, I did a lot of self-reflection. I felt that I got so caught up in the city life and my college friends that I shoved my family and hometown under the rug.
I quickly realized that my family and my hometown will be there for me – no matter what.
They will always have my back.
One of my two favorite songs about growing up and nostalgia would be "Butterfly Fly Away" by Billy Ray Cyrus and Miley Cyrus and "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert.
In "Butterfly Fly Away," some of the lyrics that resonate with me would be:
"You had to do it all alone
Make a livin', make a home
Must have been as hard as it could be
And when I couldn't sleep at night
Scared things wouldn't turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me."
As I am typing this, I have a lump in my throat. These lyrics mean so much to me because it describes the way that I have felt ever since I've become my own independent person. I now realize all of these things that are actually hard to do, like making a living and a home. Yet, I often miss the little things, like the comfort of my family when I was feeling sad or senses of uncertainty.
In Miranda Lambert's song "The House That Built Me," these lyrics hit home for me:
"I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here it's like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me…
You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can.
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am."
As I mentioned earlier, I felt that I shoved my family and hometown under the rug. I used to dread coming home on weekends and even holiday breaks. Not because I didn't love my family or didn't enjoy their presence, but because I hated my hometown. I missed the city. I missed my "new" home.
However, after my self-reflection and lots and lots of thought, I realized that I can love both of my homes. Although Lexington may be my current home that I love very much, I can also love the home that I grew up in – because it made me who I am today. I love going upstairs in my childhood bedroom, hopping in my bed, and waking up to my mother's breakfast and my siblings' arguing voices – it is an unexplainable feeling of warmth and love that you cannot get anywhere else.
"I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am."
That is something that I vow to myself to never do again. To never allow myself to get so caught up in the world to the point where I do not call my family and my loved ones to chat and to check on them. They are the people who I love and who love me so so so so much.
Now when I come home, I take in every single second of it. Because one day, my siblings will be older and have their own lives, my parents will be gone, and there will be another family in the house that built me. The house that I and my family created so many precious memories in.
Nostalgia and self-reflection are beautiful things, and I highly recommend everyone to do them.
Always keep your family and hometown in your heart. They are the ones who truly love and care about you. They are so important.
Do not let this world sweep you away – stay in touch with who you are to your core.
Love those who love you, love those around you, and love yourself.
