I’ve always had the mentality that I need to find a soulmate in college. I think it’s because my parents met in college and I have other friends that are in relationships that started in college (and they’re getting engaged and married).
Now I’m a catholic, and as a catholic there’s a whole process to figure out what God’s intentions are for me called discernment. There’s discernment for married life, single life, and religious life (like being a nun or sister for women and priests for men). And sometimes it’s hard to pray for that because in your mind you may think “I really want to be married.” But maybe that's not what you’re supposed to be.
In a country where 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, it’s a scary thought that love isn’t “surviving.” So I know if I get married I want to be sure that I’m marrying the right guy; that I’m supposed to marry that guy. (What a lucky guy, right?)
I’ve been single all 21 years of my life. I’ve never been campaniling (which is a tradition on UNI’s campus, where you kiss somebody at the campanile at midnight on the Friday of homecoming); I’ve never been on a date. Most times, it’s not all that bad actually. There’s been a sparse few times that I’ve been shot down or “friend-zoned” and I’ve bounced back from it. Yes, sometimes I’ve been sad and felt left out by friends that have coupled up, but in some way, they reach out to include me: the awkward third wheel.
But you know what? You don’t need your soul mate in college. And here’s why:
- College is a time for you to find yourself. It’s a time for you to grow and try new things and to figure out what you like and don’t like. This can go for anything and everything. For example: I didn’t know I’d love country line dancing until I tried it with a bunch of friends one night my freshman year.
- College is when the training wheels have been taken off of your bike and you’re expected to be on your own for a while. You don’t have your home community or parents there to guide you everywhere and in everything you do. It’s all you and you’ve got this.
- When you’re single you can do what you want, when you want. You don’t have to try to meet up with your bae and have a date every week or month. One day you could be like, “I want to go try this restaurant or go to this movie, or visit this person” and decide on a dime and just go. Or you just come across random things on campus and you decide to try it out. (Shout out to SigEp and their Sexual Assault Awareness Week see-saw, that was one of those on the spot, saw-it-while-walking-I-guess-I'll-try-it decisions and I'm super happy I did it.)
- When you’re single, you have more time for yourself or to make plans with your friends. If you need time to yourself, you don’t have to feel guilty for taking it. If you need time with your friends, you can do it. Your time is completely yours to manage.
- You are independent and strong. You don’t need that soul mate in your life to lean on; you can stand on your own without relying heavily on that other person.
- You have more money. To the men that are reading this, I got you; we ladies can be spendy. It’s widely expected for men to pay for certain things in a relationship. Well, if you don’t have that relationship going on, there’s nobody but yourself to spend the money on.
- If you are the awkward third wheel, embrace it, have fun with it. There’s not really a way you can change that situation, so play with it. Make them feel awkward. Make others around you feel awkward. It’s not fair for you to hog all the awkwardness, so why not spread it? And sometimes it won’t be awkward, but really fun.
- You don’t have to have that scary conversation about where you’re going to end up together after college. You don’t have to argue or compromise where you’ll end up after college and you don’t have to go through a long-distance phase, if you end up separated. You can go wherever and travel and meet all sorts of people from all sorts of places before settling for "the one."
Yes, there seems to be an endless pool of potential suitors at college, but it’s possible that your suitor in particular, is not in that pool. It’s possible you meet him or her later on in life as a young professional. It’s possible that you’ll stand as a single individual. But that’s okay.
Enjoy that season of singleness. Use it as the time to find out who you are, what you dream, and what you are capable of. College is the perfect place to find yourself before you find that significant other.
