Some people don't understand why I'm so nervous. That's okay. Simple, every day things are just harder for some people than they are for others.
I wake up in the morning and immediately stress. I turn my alarm off as fast as I can and my heart is racing because I don't want to wake up my roommate. She wouldn't be mad, but I'm an anxious person.
I scroll through social media to see what I missed while I was asleep, but I feel like I'm racing the clock, and I don't finish looking.
I go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, and quickly get dressed. It's 8:17. I have class at 9:05. Still, my anxiety is telling me I'm going to be late.
I go down to the lounge of my building to wait for my friend to finish getting ready. I try to finish scrolling through social media, but my leg shakes and I end up on the bus app looking at the schedule. I still have plenty of time to walk to class, but I worry that I won't make it and decide I'll take the bus. My friend comes downstairs, and I walk a little faster than I need to to make sure that I get onto the bus.
I get on the bus, and the driver is taking his sweet time to pull out of the spot. It's 8:36. Still plenty of time. But I can still feel my leg shaking.
Finally the bus leaves and drops me off. My friend and I part ways, and I speed walk to class. It's 8:42.
I get to class in two minutes, out of breath from the stress that I could be late, but also stressed that I'm out of breath and maybe people will notice..
I sit through my classes, in constant fear that I will be called on when I don't raise my hand or don't know the answer.
Finally, it's 1:10 and I'm done with my last class of the day. I speed out of class and text my friend to make sure we're still meeting at the dining hall. We meet there every day, but I'm scared of having to sit alone, so I double check.
We get our food and sit down, but the serving sizes are small and I'm still hungry. But what will people think if I have multiple empty plates in front of me?! I get the food, but worry the whole time, and when it's time to take my plates away I rush there too, because I don't want people to see me.
My friend and I part ways and I'm back in my room, alone, with nothing to worry about for a little bit. My favorite part of the day: I get to nap!
I wake up from my nap and look at what homework I have to do. Sometimes I do it with friends, sometimes I do it by myself in my room. Either way, I'm stressed that I might be doing it wrong, and what if I get called on in class tomorrow, and what if I accidentally submit this late, and the list goes on.
Finally I finish and ask my friends what time they want to get dinner. We make a plan, and I go through the same stress I did at lunch. If we go somewhere other than the dining hall, I rehearse my order in my head a million times before I say it out loud, because God forbid I stutter a little bit or say the wrong thing and correct myself. Sometimes I even look up the menu before we go somewhere, so I don't have to spend time reading it and feeling like I'm slowing people down.
I get back home and I go to the shower. I shower as fast as I can, just in case someone needs to use the one I'm in. I get out and try not to look in the mirror, because I know my makeup is down my face. I speed walk down the hall back to my room so no one sees me.
I put on my pajamas and hang out with my friends. It doesn't matter that I love them and I'm comfortable with them, I stress that I'm being bothersome.
The day comes to an end, and I go to bed, knowing when I wake up I have to do it all over again.
