To my father who is non-existent,

There are so many things a father should be there for during a child's lifetime. Their first steps, words, first day of school, and so much more. I thank you for not being there though, for if you were, I feel like you would have made things worse. Things such as constant arguing, not staying tuned in, and not opening your eyes to the greater things in life such as your family. I, like any other child would, searched for answers as to why you never showed up. I had felt like I did something wrong. It wasn't me though, it was you!

There had been father/daughter dances that I never got to go to. Countless father day crafts made in school that I never got to bring home, and countless holidays where you were just a mystery. Someone who's chair would never be filled. To all the accomplishments of mine you never got to witness, and to all the picture we will never take. I thank you for not being there.

I appreciate all the funny stories you left my mother to tell about you at family parties, those are the best. I also thank you for making my mother a stronger more independent woman. Without you she's learned to tackle all the harder parent duties in life that you should've been there to help with. Thank you for making her do it all alone, because to be honest, it's probably easier without you for three reasons. For one, we are a happy family now, your negativity would have tore us apart. Two, you were a raging alcoholic, and because of that you were like toxic acid to our family. Lastly, number three, you made us feel like we were more of a burden to you rather than a joy. It's a shame we could've gotten along so well but, one will never know.

To my father I do not know, I'd like you tell you how my jobs are going, and that I have a place of my own now that you will never see. I like to paint and write but there's no sense in telling you these things. I graduated high school with a 3.7 GPA, and did not attend college. I won a poetry contest in 8th grade, and I traveled to Arizona. That's mainly to fill you in on what you missed. It's been at least 15 years since I've seen you. Or has it? You only know me from what you see online, and I only know you from torn up photographs and haunted stories from the past. You've missed a lot.

Lastly to my step father, the man you let fill your shoes. Thank you! Because without you I wouldn't be where I am today. And I definitely would not be writing this article. Thanks to my not so father, my step-father, my mother found you and I'm am grateful for the father duties you have exemplified throughout my life.

Sincerely,

Your not-so-daughter.