The month of December can mean many things - holidays spent with loved ones, time away from school, cold nights and fireplaces, and a common over-indulgence on nutmeg in everything that is edible is just a few frequent incidences when 'tis the season. However, one overwhelmingly relatable occurrence that most seem unable to escape is the tendency to shove as much food into your human body as quickly as possible. Shockingly, in a stunning feat that has astonished the world, Martha Fatout managed to evade the scourge that haunts so many this holiday season with a net gain of zero pounds.

"Usually, most people experience some fluctuation after all the feasting," remarked Fatout. "But this year, Jenny Craig wishes she was me."

Doctors and scientists alike are stumped as to how this possibly could have happened. "This case is truly a curiosity," commented Fatout's personal physician, Dr. WeichtenWächt, M.D. "Of all the female women whose gravitational pull I have overanalyzed through the years, Fatout presents a truly unusual situation."

In the wake of her viral Christmas miracle, Fatout has been the recipient and become the face of new businesses and campaigns centered around weight loss. A collaboration with Nutrisystem in the works, which will specialize in holiday foods.

"Martha is so brave for telling her story to the world. It's about time that we acknowledged the hidden struggles of women, especially the struggles of those who haven't gained a single pound in the aftermath of the holiday season," stated Nutrisystem spokeswoman Christine Martinez.

Fatout expressed optimism at the future, referencing to her new book deal on weight loss, slated for publication in June of 2020 with OxfordPress. "Who needs a new year's resolution to exercise? All the time I spent in the past worrying about my own weight can now be more productively redirected into shaming other people!"

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*This is a fictional, satirical story.