Now before I start telling you about what day finally came and why it came and what the heck I am actually talking about, I want to start by saying. I am in no way shape or form a professional writer. I don't intend to be. I find joy in writing sometimes to avoid talking to myself while my twin boys take naps so I don’t convince myself that I am crazy as a stay at home mom of nine month old boys. As a first time mom, mind you. Lets not forget to mention that. When God was ready to show me motherhood, boy was he ready. I learned fast, double time, if you will. Writing, journaling, blogging, positing, whatever it is that you want to call this is truly just a pastime passion so please if your going to be a critique just hit the “x” or the back button or something else and save us all an extra comment and some time scrolling too.

Today like any other ordinary day, I woke up with my husband, (if he read this he would laugh and say yeah right). I don't actually ever wake up at the same time as my husband usually because he wakes up at 5:00am and that's just too early for me to get up whenever the boys are not awake yet. But, today was different, today the boys had a doctor's appointment. Their nine month check up with their pediatrician at nine fifteen so that meant in order to make sure we left the house on time. I needed to go make Gatlin a bottle of milk and hook him up to his feeding tube at 5:30, for those of you that didn't already know by now, my son Gatlin is tube fed by a Gtube in his belly. For now anyway, until we get some things in his body fixed where he can eat by mouth.

Anyway, his feed runs over an hour, which means it would end at 6:30. He needs about 30 minutes for the milk to settle or else if I try to move him around too fast he will throw up what he just consumed and that's not good for anybody. That puts us at getting him out of bed at 7:00 as well as getting Gunner (his twin brother) up around the same time to give him a bottle. While I give Gunner a bottle Gatlin just hangs out in his bouncy seat waiting patiently for me to change his clothes, I run and pack the diaper bag- diapers, wipes, extra burp rags incase Gatlin throws up when the doctor sticks the thing in his ears to check them, puffs for Gunner to give him for when he gets fussy because he's bored, noisy toys to also give Gunner whenever he gets bored of the puffs, chew toys to also give Gunner when he gets bored of the noisy toys, you get the idea. Then throw the feeding pump, Gatlin's feeding extension, an extra bottle of milk for him, and extra bottle of milk for Gunner, the vaccine cards because I am that mom that forgets to give them to the nurse when they get shots for them to update them so of course I need them to update them today, the day they are not even getting any shots.

I forgot to mention at this point that after I hooked Gatlin up to feed earlier while he was still sleeping I got myself ready while they were both asleep at 5:30 otherwise I would have never had enough time to get myself ready before we had to leave at 8:00. Anyways, back to where we were. I chose to change Gatlin first because at this point Gunner was waving his now empty bottle around in the air like a helicopter propeller, all while saying “dada” repeatedly. Let's not get started on that topic, that has been Gunners first words. I change his butt everyday but Dada still gets the fame.

Anyway, now that Gatlin is changed I put him back down and grab the helicopter pilot and put his clothes on. I then grab both pumpkin carriers and put each boy in their own, buckle them in while they scream bloody murder at me because they HATE their carseats and being buckled in. Then I throw their stocking caps on because it's freezing and a big fluffy warm blanket and I take Gatlin out to the nice warm car first, I set the diaper bag in with him then turn the DVD player on for them. Yes, Karen, dont come after me. My 9 month old children watch dvds from the babyfirst show while we are in the car. If you listen to them scream while they were riding in the car you would try everything to find something that worked also.

Anyways, then I run back inside and grab Gunner, who at this point has already thrown his blanket off of himself and pulled his hat down over his eyes and is kicking his feet like he is running a marathon and freddie kruger is after him. I adjust his hat, put his blanket back on him and take him to the car. I come back inside, put my own coat on, grab the last minute necessities, lock the door and head to the doctor. Upon arrival, I pop the trunk, grab the lock and ride stroller, toss Gatlin's car seat carrier in it, strap the self carrier around my body, grab Gunner out of his carseat and strap him to me, throw a blanket around him and in we walk, carrying one and pushing one. You find things that work for you quickly with twins.

We did the routine: take them to the room, undress them, throw on a clean dry diaper, weigh them, measure their head, length of their body, etc etc. Then we got to talk with the doctor. For those of you that know the boys you know that they are two different boys. Gunner loves the attention, further advanced and more developmentally inclined than Gatlin. Gatlin, pretty laid back, a little less vocal and much farther behind developmentally than his brother. So the doctor (whom I absolutely adore so much, we have the best pediatrician hands down.) and I had a conversation about Gatlin, why was he not coming forward faster with his development. He was meeting milestones but not necessarily matching his adjusted age. Now I am not going to get into detail with what we discussed completely with you all over a blog post because that is not the idea. The idea is the day finally came where we realized Gatlin is not like Gunner. We are going to meet with another doctor in the coming weeks to discuss some other possible diagnosis for Gatlin and whatever they come from them we have absolutely no fear of what they may be.

The deal is, Gatlin needed a family, he needed a momma and a dadda. God knew what kind of hiccups he was going to have long before he gave him to me. If he chose to give Gatlin to me with all of the battles he was going to face in life then I am absolutely honored that he chose me to be his momma and I will be strong, I will be his fighter, I will be his protector. We will battle through each and every label that we receive and we will work hard to overcome the odds. If you have read this far, no Gatlin does not have a disease or cancer. Just some other things we are going to look into. Dont worry about us, pray for him. Pray to give him the strength to continue fighting to be just like his brother like he does everyday. I wasn't upset at all with what we discussed with the doctor. We take what we talk about and we move on. Nothing changes who Gatlin is and we don’t even begin to treat him any differently. I dressed each boy again, put their hoodies and stocking caps back on. Loaded Gatlin back in the carseat first, of course when I dressed him I had to hook his extension up and run it through his pant leg to feed him on the way home. I gave Gunner a couple of puffs to chew on on our way out as I strapped him back in the carrier that I was wearing to hold him over until we got home. I strapped them into the car, then back towards home we headed. Both boys fell asleep no more than we got out of jeff city.

The silence was so nice and different. With silence comes overthinking. I thought not about what we had discussed today but about Gatlin's cleft palate surgery coming up on Friday. Yall, NICU PTSD is a real thing. I began to panic thinking about them taking him for surgery then not giving him back to me just like when he was born. They took him and I didnt get him back for 127 days. I instantly began to back peddle thinking this was going to happen again. They would take him and I would not get him back for a long time. I had to take a deep breath and turn the radio down and pray. I asked God to just help to calm me when I didn't have anybody else besides two sleeping boys who had no idea what in the world I was talking about. I soon after giggled at myself. I knew God was there when I was laughing at myself. I should have known in the 127 days that God took care of Gatlin in the NICU that he would take care of him again in the 1 night he has to stay after fixing his cleft palate. I felt more at ease with myself and was able to turn the radio back up again slightly. I was almost home, I looked in the rearview mirror and couldn't help but smile with tear filled eyes at two of the biggest blessings in my life, sleeping so soundlessly, so preciously. I was hauling the most precious of cargo. I thank God everyday for that.

God is good, all the time.

All the time, God is good.