My freshman year of high school is when I had my first real boyfriend. Flashback to eighth grade, we started talking just days before my birthday. 7 months later, we started dating. This relationship lasted until about mid April of the following year. The reality of it though, it was over long before that.

This relationship showed me how naive I was. I was cheated on 7 times but kept giving him a chance to prove himself to me. He never did. It was never a physically abusive relationship, but both mentally and emotionally it took a huge toll on me. I've never been called as many names as I was in this relationship. I've never felt as bad as I had in this relationship. I've never seen someone switch up as fast between loving me and hating me in one second, as this kid did.

I moved on from it. I learned you can't change people, because if they're going to change it's going to be on their own. I won't lie I lost a great deal of confidence in myself, but what I did learn is respect for myself. Looking back, I'm really not sure how I ever put up with such a tumultuous time in my life.

I didn't trust anyone enough to date again until March of my junior year of high school. This kid and I dated for a month until, out of the blue, he ended things. There was legitimately no reason. But, we remained close friends for the following 6 months before he started seeing someone new that August. While it's difficult to explain how this relationship shaped me, it's so evident to me that it did.

I somehow was taught to love myself. I stopped wearing makeup. I became a more free person. I felt free. Was I hurt for a period of time? 100%. But after that relationship I knew what to put up with and what not to. I wasn't afraid to stick up for myself and speak my mind.

That September I started falling head over heels for someone new. He is by far the best guy I have ever dated. I was very hesitant at first to admit to myself I really did like him. It wasn't til November where I had realized I truly did like him (at which point I also admitted to myself I think I may have had feelings for him a lot longer than just those two months). By December we were dating.

There are not enough words to share how I feel about this guy. He is kind. Caring. Family-oriented. Strong. His laughter and smile can light up any room. He quite literally is one of the best things to have happened to me. I could seriously go on and on- but to save you the read I won't.

We started dating at a really rough time in life. My mom had breast cancer. She was currently in rehab because she is an alcoholic. She was moving out. Meanwhile his family was going through there on issues which you could see it in his eyes how much it was affecting him. On top of that, I was graduating and heading off to college in just a few months.

This boy deserves an award for the amount of mental breakdowns I had and he dealt with so gently and perfect. I cherish those moments I held him so close to me because we both knew we needed each other. I really don't know what I would have done without him in such a difficult time of my life.

However in April, it seemed my world came crashing down. He ended up breaking up with me because of worries about the future. We were dating as infidelity issues were going on in his family. So I understand why he was worried. I don't want to understand, but I do. And I respect his decision to end things. Even though 8 months later I'm admitting that I don't think I am quite over him and I'm not sure when I will be.

I have reasons to believe it is taking me so long to get over him because of the lessons he taught me. He was the first guy to ever teach me how a man should love a woman. I've never felt more love from anymore, than I did from him. I'll never forget the day I got a phone call from him because it was just the slightest bit icy out and he wanted me to be careful. Honestly, I think he was overreacting, but that day is embedded in my brain because no guy has ever done such a simple, yet so thoughtful gesture for me like that. He will forever hold that special place in my heart.

And I'd try it all over again. Knowing what stands in our way, I'd continue to do it. The future doesn't scare me when its someone and something worth giving every ounce of yourself too.

It sucks, when you see someone you can actually spend the rest of your life with. When for the first time, you are genuinely happy. When your parents and friends notice it. You are genuinely so in love that you will do anything to be together. And it sucks when he doesn't see that future.

That doesn't mean you give up.

I know my worth.

I know what I deserve.

While my story is far from over, I don't regret the path I've had to go down thus far.

I'm excited to see where the future will take me.

I will come out on top soon enough.

And I'll be proud to be the person I have become.