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No One Wins The Shame Game

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No One Wins The Shame Game
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At three different events in the past month, I’ve listened to and studied the same Bible verse. I didn’t choose the verse any of the times - they just happened to be the exact same message. Some may think this was just a coincidence, maybe it is a popular verse. Regardless, with the amount of stories available to analyze in the Bible, I think it was pretty profound that the same one came up multiple times in such a short amount of time. After relishing the verse and the lessons three separate times, I came to believe that it was no coincidence that this verse was presented to me so many times. I think I was suppose to hear it - I think I was suppose to think about it and find new truths to it the second and third time. I think it is a lesson God wanted me to hear, urgently, and for that reason, I will share it:

John 8:3 “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?”6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.”

This woman was caught in adultery - an utterly shameful crime at the time. As one of the speakers said, imagine the worst thing you’ve ever done - your deepest secret. Now imagine that being displayed and announced to a public audience. Imagine the humiliation and shame you would feel. Imagine how after it, you would want to recluse to your bed and live through Netflix and never show your face again. I think that is probably how this woman felt, except 10 times worse. Because of committing adultery, the Pharisees believed that stoning the woman was a just punishment - or maybe they just wanted to shame her. Maybe they wanted to make themselves look better to Jesus. Whatever their motivation, they used the fact that Moses’ Law commanded this to try and appeal to Jesus. They wanted him to validate their actions and their judgment of the woman.

“But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.’ 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.”

I can’t even imagine how the Pharisees felt after Jesus said this to them. The person they were looking to for assurance, for validation of their condemnation of the woman, completely turned the table on them. Essentially, Jesus was being hypothetical when he tells them that if they lack sin then they can stone the woman. Because of course none of the Pharisees completely lacked sin. Of course none of them were so Godly and perfect that they had any room to judge or shame the behavior of someone else.

This part hit me hard. The point of the passage “clicked” and I began to feel convicted. When I judge other people - even for the tiniest reason - I am being like the Pharisees. When I shame someone, whether I verbalize it or not, I am right there, next to the awe-stricken Pharisees. I think our society does this a lot today. We point fingers and condemn others for their wrong doings, when we have a whole reservoir of our own sins under our belts. We judge the girl who slept with two guys, the man who went to prison, the person who cheated on their spouse. We shame them and utilize their wrongdoings to try and make ourselves look better, but we are just as guilty. But we judge people by what they look like, we try to control our lives, we treat others badly. I don’t think any of us are in a position to make the call that the actions of someone else are any worse that our own. I especially don’t think any of us are in the position to stimulate shame.

Just the other day, I encountered a minor setback in travel because someone else bought me the wrong ticket with my money. I said, "If I would have done it myself we would have been there on time" (and probably more, not as nicely put things). I was so annoyed that I had to wait an extra 30 minutes. I pushed the blame on her and regretted not doing it myself. But then do you know what I did? I paid one dollar for a new ticket. That's it! I was complaining and condemning this girl over one dollar. I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve made someone late, I’ve messed up directions, or I’ve made someone miss something. Even more, I can’t count the amount of times I’ve felt shame for these things. I know that feeling well. I know that guilty feeling that creeps into your gut and convicts your mind. That makes you mad at yourself and humiliated to others. And it hit me that blaming someone else is inflicting those feelings on someone else. Did she really deserve that because I had to spend an extra dollar? Did I really have any reason at all to be upset over that? Is there not so many other things to be grateful for? I realized how irrational it was that I even vocalized that it was “her fault”. It was a dollar, an honest mistake, and something that I have done to others millions of times.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

The ending to this verse, just like the whole new testament, provides an example of how we are actually suppose to act. Despite knowing that adultery is a sin, Jesus showed grace on the woman and forgave her. It makes sense that he told the Pharisees, who are full of sin, that they were not worthy to condemn the woman, but Jesus was perfect. He doesn’t have a reservoir of sin and is plenty able to condemn the woman justly. But he doesn’t. He takes the abundance of shame that the woman is carrying with her and dissolves it.

I think that is the perfect example of how I am suppose to act. When everyone is blaming one person, I need to bring to light that we are all far from being in a position to shame. I want to remind myself of that feeling, and save anyone else from that experience. So next time we want to blame someone, something, or even just your circumstances, I think we need to take a look in the mirror and ask if we are sinless ourselves. I need we need to take responsibility for our own self and show others grace because, even if they did mess up, we are all the same broken, sinful, and nevertheless beautiful messes. And we’re all in it together.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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